Contemplating the Ideal Life...

    I watched an interesting movie last night. It was about a couple who woke to find that they appeared to be the only human beings left on earth. Everyone else had vanished without a trace. These two people perceived the situation in opposite ways; one seeing opportunities to have whatever they wanted and the other seeing mostly doom. I wondered what I would feel if this happened to me and was reminded of a poem I wrote in the mid to late 1990s...

If I were the only human left 

On Earth's vast depleted nest, 

Alone is somethings I'd feel less, 

For I am drowning in the depths 

Of its crowded emptiness.

   That poem was about the shallowness of a place I'd had to move to and me missing dear friends whom I'd been close to before the move...etc. But I had never felt the depths of that "crowded emptiness", like I have since I was isolated to be tortured and harassed in the dark covert targeting that has been happening to many people in our troubled world.

   If I experienced what that couple in the movie experienced I'd be VERY happy, because I'd be free - nobody left to harass me or shoot me with microwaves and laser weapons. I don't want everyone else to vanish, but if they did I'd love the freedom and I'd thrive in it. I'd miss people, but right now there is not much left in my life to miss, because nobody has been fully here for me, in the ways I need people to be, since the mid 1990s. Like I used to say about my marriage and the place I'd moved to then; its easier for me to be alone by myself than it is for me to be alone while surrounded by other people. I've always felt this way.
   I'm not a complete loner though. I love being with people almost as much as I love peaceful solitude in nature. The types of people, whom I enjoy the most are people who have deep open hearts and are deep thinkers - people who are growing and evolving. Most of the world has always felt too shallow to me and I now understand why more than I ever have before...

I feel that the ideal life is all people being completely free - their HEARTS and minds not being blocked by anything, especially not by the pharmaceuticals and radio waves that now appear to have most of humanity enslaved. This is what I want - COMPLETE FREEDOM FOR ALL OF HUMANITY, including me.

I want to be free to fully live my life and to be growing and evolving into all that I can be. Its extremely painful for me to be trapped in the stagnant rut that the targeting shoved me into and holds me in. I truly have been drowning in it and still am. Its not only been holding me back - it has also been slowly destroying me. I want to be free of all aspects of the targeting and to recover from the damage it has done to me, BEFORE its too late to fully do so. And I hope its not too late although it sometimes seems like it already is.