The Ways of Evil

I had recognized Israel’s evil tactics because I had experienced them inside my own family. My sisters are my Israel. I had experienced them hating me and attacking me and depriving me and then blaming me for what they did and projecting their own hateful and evil and greedy behaviors onto me. I had experienced them fabricating things in order to manipulate other people against me. I had experienced them pretending to be the “Loving” ones while doing the complete opposite…etc.
   In the past couple years I have fully stood up to expose their behaviors for the first time in my life. But in all fairness, I must add that they are not the only ones who are responsible for the massive hurts they have inflicted upon our whole family, especially my father and I. They had help…

I fully believe that pharmaceutical and technological (radio wave) mind control was used to enable my sister’s greedy and evil targeting of my father and I, and that it is also why Israel has had so much support to continue its manipulative, violent thieving occupation in Palestine. 

Short Core Problem Paper

www.poeticpublications.com/mind2023.pdf

Freedom and Peace, must take place
for the sake of all of humanity.

P.S. I feel bad that I mucked up this blog with the family feud stuff, but I feel that I have had to fully stand up with the truth, because my sisters fabricate things and I believe they would be doing far worse if I were not standing up.

A New Beginning

The past couple years of standing up for my father and myself, against my sister's abusive behaviors (which freely continued) have been too distressing for me. My health has suffered quite severely in the past couple years. The stress of my sisters abusing our father and continuing to fabricate things against me and target me in harmful and manipulative ways, has not been good for me. But, as I block them from my life, I am working at letting go of the stress and returning to the mostly plant based diet that I fell off of during the family chaos. I will hopefully start feeling better soon.

A New Beginning

copyright Sharon R. Poet 3-9-2024

Its too much energy I gave,

But my life can be saved -

I will now find some peace

As I prepare a new lease.

A Death Used as a Tool for Mental Abuse

This whole situation has been very emotional for me, at a time when I was already struggling with too much. So, I've not done a very good job with describing it. This is a better summery of the core of the severest mental abuse in my family, from its beginning to now...

After much soul searching and wondering who played how much of a role in this situation, where the directive to a will was used for an evil mental abuse scheme, I have come to the conclusion that my father initially went along with it, while being manipulated by my sisters, who took advantage of him being upset with me in the 2006/2007 winter, and that my sisters are the ones who are responsible for it, especially Vivian, who had also instigated the problems that existed between my father and I back then.

In my family I was cruelly targeted by my two jealous older sisters for over fifty years. And the mental abuse scenario started in the 2002/2003 winter... Vivian sent her son to visit me and get the password to my email account. I foolishly gave it to him, after he talked about how funny some people's passwords are and asked what mine was. At that time I could not even imagine anyone intrusively going into my account, so what Vivian did was utterly shocking. She wrote emails against our father, pretending to be me writing to her daughter. Then her daughter sent them to our father. Then our father confronted me about it, which surely surprised Vivian, because they had sworn him to secrecy. I told him it was Vivian who did it, but he didn't believe me, because he'd gotten them from her trusted daughter, and because around this time Vivian also did other cruel things that she blamed on me. One of these things was calling me and saying, "I think I'm going to kill myself" and then hanging up and not answering her phone when I tried to call her back. Then after I called my father to go check on her, (because I was out of state) she pretended that none of it ever really happened. As she was pulling these evil pranks, Vivian proclaimed that I am mentally ill and should be institutionalized. And then my father joined her evil crusade to try to convince me and other family members of this. This was the beginning of the mental abuse hell that has hurt me and others far more than words could even begin to express.

In the next four years I was literally targeted into poverty in a situation where I lost my bank account - my life savings that I was to purchase my next home with. Then I was diagnosed with lupus and faced a near death situation. Through the past ten years I have been struggling to survive while living in a car. And my family has been intentionally depriving me of financial help - keeping me destitute and trapped in a homeless situation. Several years ago a family member told me that I'd only get financial help if I checked myself into an insane asylum. Through the past decade my sisters also plotted to use my father's death as a tool to continue the evil mental abuse scheme, and the intentional deprivation of financial help, through depriving me of an inheritance.

According to their directive to my father's will; in order to even just have the opportunity to get my inheritance, I must agree to be stigmatized with my sister's hateful proclamation/fabrication of me being "insane," and get "treatment" for it - either be imprisoned in an asylum and/or be harmed with unneeded shock "treatment" or psychiatric pharmaceuticals. And I must get closer to the family - where both of my sisters, and people whom they manipulate, can more effectively abuse me. And even if I do these things, it is left up to my sisters if I get the inheritance or not. Its a no-win situation for me - the one they hate and want to hurt and deprive.
   Vivian sent me the directive shortly after my father died. Needless to say, since then, my grief has been compounded by fear for the safety of my sanity and freedom, especially since this was delivered within one year after Vivian and her daughter sent me an email that said, "you should be in an insane asylum."

I never expected to get my inheritance, due to my father being manipulated into putting my sisters in charge of it, which is partly what the fabricated emails aimed to accomplish in 2003. So this is not the primary issue with me. I also never expected my father's death to be used as a tool for my sisters to vamp up their hate filled mental abuse scheme against me, while I am in a state of grief. But they did, in the directive as well as in emails from Vivian's daughter's email account. I should have known that my sisters could easily be this cruel, especially since Vivian's horrid email scheme against both my father and I was done right after our youngest brother's death in late 2002. It appears that Vivian has a habit of slyly striking out with her cruelest crap, while her target is already in a state of grief or after she has instigated emotional turmoil. This is partly how she had manipulated our father and others so effectively. There have been severe forms of emotional abuse also happening in this situation. In the mentally abusive emails, things were very obviously also being said and fabricated just to upset me. The mental and emotional abuse is the worse part of this situation, by far.

Even if Vivian's fabrication had been true - even if I truly were "insane"; what all the people, who have been involved, did is still VERY obviously a hateful game, because THEY HAD ALL KNOWN that I'd worked in a mental health facility and that I had been talking and writing about how harmful I believe psychiatric pharmaceuticals can be, LONG BEFORE they decided that this is what I should be forced to get, in order to get my inheritance. THEY ALL KNOW that I actually HAVE sought professional psychological help and have never been diagnosed with any sort of "mental illness." THEY KNOW that I am not a danger to myself or anyone else - that I do not belong "in an insane asylum." And at least Vivian KNOWS that she is the one who wrote the cruel emails about our father...etc. What they have been doing to me, is not opinions or beliefs and has been intentional hateful mental abuse with harmful intent. And the high levels of greed, in BOTH of my sisters, is also behind them continuing the mental abuse scheme, in order to deprive me of an inheritance. (Nothing for me, leaves more for them.)

And everyone who knew what my sisters were doing, and did not stand up against it, were in agreement with it. A wise psychologist told me that "silence is agreement" in abusive family situations like this. And I feel that she was right. I again must stay far away from my whole family, in order to protect my sanity, and in order to retain my freedom, and in order to keep the hate and chaos out of my life. Although Vivian is the most obvious culprit in this situation, Evelyn has always been her accomplice in the targeting of me, and has been involved in this situation as well as many others. It appears that Evelyn has just let Vivian do all the obvious dirty work in this situation. And they both saw to it that everyone in the family lost their trust in my sanity and would not "enable" my "illness" through giving me enough financial help to get back onto my own feet. Its been a VERY manipulative form of abuse that not only attacks my sanity, but also intentionally deprives me of needed help. (I also feel that my sisters are at least partly responsible for shoving me into destitution, to begin with.)

It appears that there is nothing I can do to force my sisters and their puppets to take responsibility for their hateful mentally and emotionally abusive behaviors. They merely lie about it and Vivian projects all of her own wrong doings onto me. But, when I am back on my feet and feeling better, I plan to use this situation as an example to help form new laws that do a far better job with protecting elderly people from greedy, manipulative, dishonest children, and new laws that protect people from all forms of mental and emotional abuse.
   But for now, I must focus on taking care of myself. My physical health is now poor and my emotional pain runs extremely deep, aside from my worry about whether or not my family is going to unite and force me into an asylum, due to Vivian's fabrications that could be added to at any time. I had not yet healed from the losses that her 2002/2003 mental abuse scheme inflicted upon me, because I kept getting hit with one difficulty after another since then. The biggest loss being that of my family - the loss of my whole family's trust in me and my trust in them, as some of them were trying to hurt me mentally and emotionally, and even physically through intentional deprivation and forced unneeded psychiatric "treatment" and the rest were being manipulated against me. I am a family person so this has cut me VERY deeply through the past two decades. (I love my family even though it does not love me.) And the recent round of abuse and subtle threats ripped open my old wounds and added to them tremendously. Since January 2023 its been like reliving the worse nightmare of my life in double. I have a lot of healing work to do. Tears well as I write this. It all hurts so much.

Cap on my Abusive Family Situation

My sister Vivian is again trying to make me scared that my family is going to have me shoved into an insane asylum and forced to receive “treatment” that they pretend I need. This started in the 2002/2003 winter, directly after she gained access to my email account and wrote emails about my father, while pretending to be me, and after my father confronted me about it, and after I him that it was Vivian and not me who wrote those emails. At this point Vivian declared me a “paranoid schizophrenic,” and my father joined her pursuit to try to convince me that something was wrong with me. Vivian knew, when her hate started this “insane” drive against me, that I had been writing about the ill effects of psychiatric pharmaceuticals and the corruption in the field of psychiatry since I’d worked in a mental health facility. I believe this is why she chose the “insane” route in her evil targeting of me – because she knew it was something that would scare me, through trying to force me into something that she knew I felt would not be very bad for me. It was an evil and hateful scheme.
   Vivian Had even tried to turn my psychologist against me. But the psychologist saw through her mask and into her evil and abusive and dangerous behaviors, and told me, “Sharon you have to stay away from Vivian. You can’t help her because you are her target. You have to stay away from Vivian.”
Due to Vivian, her daughter and my other sister manipulating my other family members against me, I had to stay away from my whole family for the sake of my sanity and the retaining of my freedom. But I remotely periodically reconnected with my family just over a decade ago, and more closely in the past couple years, in order to try to help save my father from the greed and abusive behaviors in both of my sisters, as he got very elderly. I failed with this mission and have ended up being severely targeted again, right after my father’s death, which my sisters VERY obviously planned to use to vamp up their abuse of me.
   My whole family now knows how scared I have been of them forcing me into an insane asylum, because I finally stood up with the full truth, in the family and on my blog, through the past few years. But last year my sister started it up again, through her daughters and her emails and a directive that she surely either wrote part of or manipulated my father into writing, or both. In last year’s email they told me that I belong in an asylum. And the recent email repeatedly tries to convince me that I am a “paranoid schizophrenic” that should be on medication. And this now appears to be, not only to hurt and abuse me, but also to try to scare me into turning away from the whole family again, because she had pre-arranged my father’s directives to not allow me an inheritance unless I am close to the family and am receiving “treatment.” This is horribly abusive, since I have never been diagnosed with any “mental illness” and she knows that I am not “mentally ill” and HAVE sought psychological help with my own personal healing processes. This is all just one of their manipulative evil games. And I know this, but it still scares me, because it is possible that they could fabricate anything at any time and at least try to take away my freedom.
   I am again pulling away from my family, not only because I need an end to the stressful dysfunctional hate filled chaos, but also because I want to retain my freedom – I do not want to be imprisoned in an insane asylum, due to my sisters evil hate, and due to other family members being brainwashed and manipulated into distrusting my sanity for over two decades now. I must now again pull away from my family for the sake of my physical health and for the sake of retaining my sanity and freedom. And this is what I’ve done. This is where the family hell ends for me. I am physically ill and need to focus on taking better care of myself and I need a far more stress free environment than what exists in my family. My life and my sanity and my freedom matters to me, even though it doesn’t to them.

Yesterday I shared the last mentally and emotionally abusive email, after I plugged in my comments to their statements in it. I have moved this to the following page, which is to the right of this blog.

Email I sent my family today

I will share more about this email to my family of origin, but its fairly self explanatory and is part of my stand against manipulative mental and emotional abuse...

Email to my Family of Origin...

I am still taking time to myself, but I have been feeling that I should do this one last stand up for myself in order to let it go. I am sending this to all of you, because I feel certain that you have also been told the things that were said about me in the email I copy here. And its only fair that you also get the truth about me. I had not yet shared some of the things I share here, so please do read it. I have plugged my comments, in red ink, into Jennifer's email content (I made the first correction of an untruth after I sent it to them).... 

Email sent by Jennifer on February 13, 2024 at 12:13pm; Sharon, The last few years have been really tough. Especially 2023 and the beginning of 2024. I have read most of the emails you have sent during this time. I have read your accusations against your father, my Grampy.  It is suspicious to me that these accusations of molestation [It was not a "molestation" - it was an inappropriate behavior.] came up when the family ( your father and my mom and everyone else if my memory serves me correctly) wanted you to get help for whatever has taken over your mind. [Your memory is not serving you well in this, Jennifer, because you are merely repeating what you have been told to say or what you have been lead to believe, rather than what you have directly heard or witnessed. Nothing has "taken over" my mind. I am actually more free than most of you who have been being manipulated/brainwashed for decades.] I believe these accusations are a cover-up because you know you are ill.  [I know that I am not mentally "ill" because a professional psychologist told me so, and I trust her and my own instincts.] You say you need money because you are homeless. Why are you homeless? [You all already know the honest answer to this, but you just do not believe or accept them, because some of you want to pretend it is due to insanity or laziness and an unwillingness to work...etc.] Why are you not staying with your daughters? [I do not answer any questions about my daughters. Vivian and Evelyn and now Jenifer have always tried to bring my daughters into their drive against me, but I keep them out of it.] I know the family has tried so many times to help you. Especially my mom.  [This is not true. Mike is the only family member who had even tried to help me in the ways that I'd needed help. But he could not afford to help me nearly as much as I'd needed. And my sisters (especially Vivian) have actually done the complete opposite, and have repeatedly tried to hurt me, and have even manipulated other family members against me, so that they also would not help me in the ways that I needed it and would join the abuse of my sanity.] You have been harassing her because you see her as threat. [I have not been "harassing" Vivian, but I have recently been standing up against her abuse for the first time in my life. And I stand with the truth. But, yes I do see her as a threat, because her  evil and abusive and manipulative behaviors ARE a threat to my sanity and safety and freedom, just as yours now also are, Jennifer.] The family has only ever wanted to help you so you can actually enjoy life. [This is not true. The hate in the family has made it VERY clear that it wants the complete opposite and this email is part of the proof of this.] Instead, you lash out with false accusations of abuse against your father.  [This is not true. They were not "false accusations" and I have never abused my father in any way. The "accusation" was a truth that I confronted him with in 2006, AFTER he had joined Vivian's "insane" drive against me and tried to rope my children into it. As for recently; I would not have said anything about it in the family if my sisters and Dad had not exposed it first.] False accusations  against my mom for abuse while caring for your father, WHICH HAVE BEEN PROVEN, YET AGAIN TO BE NON EXISTANT!! [This is not true. There IS now physical proof of part of Vivian's emotional abuse of Dad - the evil and emotionally abusive games she played with him after she took him to Ohio. There are two physical recordings of this.] Mom and Chet have never hurt Grampy in ANY way. [This is not true. The mental and emotional abuse, while he suffered from "dementia"...etc., was far more destructive than physical abuse. And so was keeping him from his home against his will...etc.] Grampy was well cared for. He was comfortable, content, and most of all, he was LOVED.  [This is total delusion. Everyone who is aware of this situation knows that it was not "love" that held our father trapped in Ohio against his will, and deprived him of his other children during his deepest time of need. He did not get the peace he needed from the chaos that you Joshua and Vivian were raising between him and his sons and him and I. He did not get the kind of diet that could have helped him; there is proof of this in your email to me which stated your ignorance - that a better diet and herbs would not help him if you tried it. He did not get returned to his own familiar home that he wanted to be. He was intentionally deprived of the chance to make peace with his sons and I, without Vivian's interference, before he died. He did not get any of the most important things that could have helped him tremendously, emotionally, aside from being emotionally abused.] Before he could no longer speak, he talked about you a few times. He talked about how sick you are and that all he ever wanted was to help you. [You are obviously saying this again, just to hurt me. And Dad never offered to help me in the ways I needed it, not even when I'd asked him for financial help - for a loan. But he did abuse me through intentionally withholding financial help, while trying to force me into an insane asylum, even though I am not insane. And it appears to be my sisters who had set him up to do this. However, he did later surprisingly include me in the check for one thousand dollars that I was told he had sent to all of his children a few years ago. For me, is was too little, too late and the family knows this.] But you refused. You refused because you said there is nothing wrong with you. [The only thing I refused was being imprisoned for an "illness" that i do not have. Psychologists have said that there is nothing wrong with me. And I agree with them, rather than the hate filled drive against my sanity in the family.] Then why are you homeless? [You already know why. And poverty and lupus and a stolen bank account and being targeted is not proof of insanity. It never was and it never will be.] Why don't you have a job? Why do you speak so harshly to everyone who has ever tried to help you Sharon? [I do not "speak harshly" to people who try to help me in the ways I need help. I have tremendously appreciated people who have cared enough to help me truly/unconditionally - in the ways I needed it. I hope someday I can pay them back with a lot of interest. I have never been "harsh" with them for helping me. ] What happened to you Aunt Sharon? [You have already been told, but you obviously prefer to believe the lies and now even add to them!] I have read your blog. I have read of how you believe people are after you and how you believe they are using microwaves to hurt you. Or leaving dead animals on the side of road as a sign for you. [The targeting is not just my belief. It is true. Only inconsiderate or hateful or brainwashed people would assume that I am insane, instead of being objective about the targeting. Those who take part in the targeting want people to think I am "insane" and just imagining it. ] You have also said several times in your blog that your own sister has some how hacked into your computer and wrote emails to others. How in God's creation do you suppose Vivian has ever hacked into your computer? She has no idea how to do that. Yet this is just another FALSE accusation against her. [Vivian did take over my email in 2002/2003 winter. And as you know, Jennifer and Joshua, she did it through having Joshua visit me in the Troy NH, and get my password and then she wrote emails about Dad to Jennifer who showed them to Dad, and he believed they were from me. This was the start of the worst of the hell in my life and dad's life. BOTH OF YOU JOSHUA AND JENNIFER WERE INVOLVED IN THIS EVIL AND DESTRUCTIVE SCAM JUST AS MUCH AS YOUR MOTHER WAS, SO STOP PLAYING DUMB. Since Vivian truly did take over my email and truly has stalked me on the web and elsewhere, I suspect that she does more through the web, and I probably am not wrong on this. ] You only came around to visit your father when you needed money. [This is not true. I did it primarily to help him.] In 2007 you visited your father. [This is not true. I would not have even considered visiting him anywhere around that time. I did not visit Dad AT ALL between 2003 and 2012.] He then wrote a letter shortly after you left. [Why are you and your mother suddenly pretending that I visited Dad in 2007? What kind of crap have you or my sisters done, to warrant you pretending that I visited Dad in 2007? (I do not want an answer from you.) There is a massive amount of proof that I was actually trapped in Clayton, New York and working for someone and was having to stay in a house that could not be left unattended from the fall of 2006 until the Spring/summer of 2007. This as well as many of your other fabrications are just ridiculous. I know that you all have been lieing to other people in the usual hateful aim to turn them against me, but lieing to me about me, when I am the one who knows the truth, merely proves this to be just to upset me - just more emotional and mental abuse.] At that time, you were going by the name, Namatari.  [Wow - a truth. My pen name was Namatari Neachi and for a few years I had taken it on as my legal name. This name change was actually to protect Dad and the family from my writings about my childhood, but you haters have twisted it into something negative against me, even though it was out of my consideration for you. What is wrong with this far too familiar picture in the family? (I don't want an answer.)] I also remember talking to you in 2003 and you said for me to call you Namatari. But according to your blog you go by Sharon Rose now. [My name is not "Sharon Rose" - my legal name is now Sharon R. Poet. "Rose" is my middle name.] For thirty years you have been lashing out at the family. [This is not true. I have not even been there through most of those thirty years and when I was it was my sisters who were lashing out at me and manipulating my father and brothers against me...and me being too silent about it and staying away, in order to protect myself from the hell THEY were raising against me with their jealous hate. The past couple years is actually the first time in my life that I have openly stood up with the truth in the family, instead of silently walking away and letting my sisters hate and manipulations thrive. ] For 30 years Sharon you have had nothing but chaos around you when you come around the family. [This is only true after Vivian and Evelyn have become aware of my presence and start manipulating other family members against me. Before Vivian and Evelyn knew that I was connecting with Gerry and Dad, all was VERY peaceful between us in the past decade. And this is true of other times with other people as well. As long as my sisters didn't know, all went well, but after they knew it went to hell. This has been the pattern.] It's time you take responsibility for your own actions and seek help. [ Unlike most of my family members, I do take responsibility for my own actions. And I did seek help... and psychologists told me to stay away from Vivian's abuse and my family, for the sake of retaining my own sanity and freedom...etc.] You have Schizophrenia Sharon. [This is a known lie that Vivian made up in 2002. it is severe mental abuse. Not one of you have ever witnessed such behaviors in me and I have never been diagnosed with ANY sort of mental illness. AND everyone who has ever known me knows me to be the complete opposite of Paranoid/fearful. BUT Vivian knew that I had been writing about how harmful psychiatric pharmaceuticals are and how corrupt the field of psychiatry is, since the 1990s, and I believe this is why she chose this form of attack - trying to force me into what I believe is harmful and have been standing up against since I worked in a mental health insititution. Its an evil form of targeting. ] The family has only ever wanted to help you. [This is not at all true and there is a LOT of proof of this.]  You are sick and need medical attention. [This is mental abuse again. The only sickness I have had is what the doctors called "lupus." I have needed several things, in order to help it remain in remission, but I have not been able to afford them and its now worse again. One of the medicines I need is a stress free environment away from people who harass me and mentally and emotionally abuse me...away from people like you and Vivian...etc.] I know you won't get help. [I have gotten psychological help and much of the family already KNOWS this to be true. So the continued harassment of my sanity is merely VERY obvious and intentional mental abuse. I have been being intentionally deprived of the kinds of help I do need, and I am not the one who can be blamed for this. But I WILL get at least some of the types of help I need, from people and places that care about me. This year is actually already looking better for me, regardless of the family's ongoing abuse and deprivation - I'm not sorry to disappoint you on this score.] But your daughters deserve to have a mother that can be with them. Have you seen daughters lately? [I do not discuss my daughters with the family, in order to keep them out of the dishonest and manipulative hell that Vivian and Evelyn and Dad have tried to drag them into and have already hurt them too much with. But I will say that Vivian and Evelyn did not succeed with their obvious aim, not even after Vivian directly proclaimed to me, "I will see to it that your children hate you."] The attached pdf is a letter from your father. This letter is a result of your actions. [This letter is the result of Dad being manipulated by my sisters, and Dad's aim to cover his own wrong doings after I confronted him with what he was doing wrong in 2006 - hurting my daughters through trying to convince them that I was "insane" just to cover up his own wrong doings. I do not know exactly how much of this letter came from Dad's free will and how much was him being manipulated by my sisters, but it surely was BOTH and probably mostly due to hateful manipulations in 2007, which may be why my sisters are now pretending that I had visited Dad in 2007 - to blame me for what THEY did in 2007. ] You wanted what he spoke about in this letter. [I wanted none of it, and especially not at time like this.] Seek help Sharon. [I did seek professional help and I got helped. This is why I now want to stay away from abusive people like you, instead of foolishly trying to help them to hurt me, like I used to unwittingly do. The psychologist helped me to realize my true faults, and my true faults are not ever going to be what my sisters and you pretend they are. ]  It's all the family wanted was for you to be you and not mentally ill. [This is not true. Some of the family has literally hated me for being me - for being what Vivian and Evelyn used to snidely call, "Little miss perfect." The family obviously wants me to be "mentally ill" because this feeds Evelyn and Vivian's jealous hate, and it serves Dad's aim to discredit me in order to cover up his own wrong doings.] With love, Jen  [I do not believe that you know what "love" is Jennifer, and you certainly did not write this letter with "love." Its full of blatant dishonesty and hateful aims to upset me with things that even you know are not true and that you know are upsetting to me. This is not your "beliefs" or your "opinions" - its cruel and intentional mental and emotional abuse being delivered under the guise of "love" and "help." I believe that the aim with this letter was probably partly to scare and upset me enough to make me completely slam the door on the whole family again, like I have in the past, so that Vivian and Evelyn can blame me for not being "part of the family" and therefor do not deserve an inheritance. I do not expect you to understand this, but there are far more important things than money, to me. I am holding onto my integrity. I think this email was also to try to scare me into erasing my blog writings that stand up against my sisters abuse of Dad. I would have gladly let go of the embarrassing family stuff on my blog, if the whole situation with Dad had gone in a better direction in the beginning of 2023, but it didn't. My stand was initially for Dad's wellbeing, and now its also for me and all other victims of emotional and mental abuse and evil manipulative behaviors that hide under the fake mask of "love" and "help"...etc. ]
  
P.S. I am forwarding this for my mom. [WOW - a rare truth! It was VERY obvious that you - Jennifer were again being a foolish puppet for your mother's hate.] You need to stop your accusations against her.  [I am finally fully standing up against Vivian and Evelyn's abuse, and Vivian's projections of her own hateful "sick" behaviors and manipulative targeting, and I will not stop doing so, especially not while they are still doing it directly or through you and Joshua...etc. This is an important step in my psychological growth, one that has been too long over-due. I am now standing firm, instead of letting myself be manipulated or threatened into silence.] Your calls to the FBI and law enforcement have done nothing but prove her innocence in all things YOU accuse her of. Yet more proof you are sick and need help.  [Vivian was never proven innocent and I was never proven "sick." There are members of law enforcement and FBI who know the truth, but have just not yet been able to do anything because of the way laws and other things are set up. But I know that either Vivian, Evelyn or Jennifer had manipulated one of the unaware law enforcement people in Ohio against me. Did they manipulate more than just him? I doubt it.] Leave Vivian alone. [I will no longer hide what Vivian and Evelyn and you Jennifer and Joshua have done to me and our father. But I will gladly leave you all alone. Vivian and Evelyn and all their puppets (including you) should leave me alone - stop trying to hurt and upset me with the cruel/evil manipulative schemes performed under the pretense of it being "love" and "help"...etc., like this email was part of. IF YOU WANT ME TO STOP STANDING UP AGAINST IT, YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING IT. Period. However, I do not plan to continue standing up inside the family. This is hopefully the absolute last time I will feel a need to do so.
   I actually do not expect anyone in the family to believe or trust me, because you have all been being manipulated and brainwashed against me and my sanity for so long. But it has been important for me to stand up for myself, because I did far too much of the opposite through all of the deep past. Hopefully some of you are able to listen to your own instincts and at least stop letting yourselves be manipulated into thinking negatively of whomever Evelyn or Vivian are manipulatively driving against. Its always been someone, throughout all of our lives - for at least sixty years. Its always been me, but its never been only me. And they are now not the only ones who have adopted this mean habit of twisting things around to blame me or whomever the target is. I never repeat things that my siblings say against my other siblings behind their backs, because I am the complete opposite of Vivian - I avoid the chaos and do not want to hurt people's feelings. But I will now say that, according to what I have directly heard through the past sixty years; almost NONE of you have ever been loyal to each other, even back when you were supposedly getting along well. Betrayals, and backstabbing, as well as the cruel manipulations that often hide under the mask of concern, run rampant in our family. And I have always found this very sad. Its not a place that I will ever trust again.

I am still taking time to myself. So please do not email or text or call me. I can be reached through snail mail, but please only do so if it is something extremely important and non-abusive. (Send it through registered mail if you want to make sure I get it.) I now need peaceful time to myself, from my family of origin, at least until I am back on my own feet and am feeling a lot better. I have blocked all the family phone numbers, because of the disrespect of my needs and boundaries in the family. And I will not be checking the email addresses the family has.

I still love all of you, even though I hate many of your behaviors. I just must take better care of myself during this time that was already too difficult for me before these new rounds of negative and abusive crap started being flung at me, through Joshua and Jennifer's emails, right after Dad's death. I matter too, even though I don't to most of you. I wish you all well.

VERY truly, Sharon]

Sharon R. Poet
PO Box 383
Mont Vernon, NH 03057

P.S. FYI; Intentionally depriving a person of the types of help they need, and trying to force types of help that they do not need and/or that YOU KNOW will distress or hurt or scare them, is extremely abusive and wrong. I will forgive the parts of the family that have done this to me, but I will never forget and I will never let it happen again. I promise you this.

The letter Dad wrote is in the attached zip folder.

 

The Heater in my Car Broke Again

The heater in my car suddenly stopped working last week. I doubt this is a coincidence, because the destruction of my heaters have been an ongoing part of the targeting. This is the second time that the blower motor stopped working on this car. 

My Car was Shot at

Last Saturday evening, someone opened fire on my car with a BB gun. This appeared to be only to scare me, but it caused some damage to my car, and a police officer told me it also caused damage to the building I was parked in front of.

The Usual Disrespect of my Boundaries

On the day after I told my family that I'd needed time to myself and had asked them to not email or text me, and to send only important and non-abusive things to my snail mail address if they needed to contact me... My email account was flooded with the largest amount of emails from my family that I have ever gotten.

Old Painful Issues Raised by Hate and Greed

(This is a revised version of what I'd posted yesterday)

This is a take-off from my previous post, because I was just proven partially wrong about something I'd blamed only my sister for. And this is also a public response to an email from my sister and her daughter...

My sister just sent another extremely dishonest and mentally abusive email through her daughter and her daughter's email account. She seems to think that she can project her greed and hate onto me and dishonestly twist everything around and rewrite history, in order to cover her own wrongs and make me the bad guy. (Nothing new here.)
   But with the email she also sent a letter that my father appears to have written in 2007. I do not trust anything that comes through her, but this letter appears authentic. The primary issue, that my sister had raised between my father and I, in her fabricated emails in 2002/2003, came to a head in the 2006/2007 winter when I confronted him. So, my father was really upset with me, at that time, because it was right after we had our first and only argument.
   In this letter my father vengefully cuts me out of his will and lies - says that I accused the whole family of something. The truth is that I only accused him, and it was not a false "accusation" - it was a confrontation. It appears that my father lied in order to make my siblings not want me to return to the family, because what I confronted him with was something that he wanted to keep hidden so badly that he'd and my sister even aimed to destroy my sanity, in order to accomplish it. It appears that my father was more dishonest than I'd previously thought. (I now realize that this is probably where my sister got the habit of lying to cover up her own wrong doings, instead of owning them and resolving issues and making things better instead of worse....and of manipulatively pitting other people against her target.)
So it appears that it was not my sister and was my father who first claimed that I had accused the whole family and not just him. However, the fact that the old issue, from almost two decades ago, was being re-raised by my sister (or both sisters) in 2015 and 2021, in order to manipulate our father and keep me cut out of his will AFTER my father and I had re-connected and found forgiveness, is indisputable. I KNOW that my father would not have done that on his own in 2015, and especially not in 2021, because we had BOTH forgiven each other and had let it go long before then.
   THIS RECENT RESSURECTION OF THE OLD ISSUE WAS SURELY MY SISTER'S DOING. SO, EVEN IF HE WROTE THE 2007 LETTER SHE SENT ME, OF HIS OWN FREE WILL, AND WITHOUT HIS UPSET BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY EITHER OF MY SISTERS, IT HAS NO LEG TO STAND ON NOW, NOT SINCE MY FATHER AND I FORGAVE EACH OTHER AND PUT THIS ISSUE BEHIND US. So, I STILL HOLD MY SISTER RESPONSIBLE BECAUSE SHE IS RESPONSIBLE, NOT ONLY FOR RESSURRECTING AN OLD ISSUE THAT WAS TOO PAINFUL FOR BOTH MY FATHER AND I, BUT ALSO FOR RAISING IT BETWEEN MY FATHER AND I TO BEGIN WITH. (My sister is the one who actually created the problem between my father and I, with her 2002/2003 fabricated email scheme.) And she should never have resurrected it in the past decade, for everyone's sake, especially my father's. What they did to upset him with their hate and greed in his final years is utterly despicable, and its their cross to bear not my father's and not mine. Period.

I believe in getting to the root of a problem rather than just blaming or treating the symptoms or reactions to it. Regardless of the symptoms; Vivian created the root of the problem between my father and I, with fabricated emails in the winter of 2002/2003. And she (and possibly others) are also responsible for resurrecting it long AFTER my father and I had found a place of forgiveness. So, my father's 2007 letter, does NOT absolve her of what she is responsible for. It just let me know that my father lied too, possibly first, and that he and Vivian's shadow sides were more alike than I'd previously realized. 

Vivian's/Jennifer's email was also VERY obviously designed to upset me and make me fear for my safety and freedom. Aside from it sharing the 2007 letter, it also shared the usual fabrications and aimed to fuel my fear of my family institutionalizing me. It actually put on "helpful" pretenses as it tries to build a case against my sanity, using my poverty/homelessness and my belief in microwave targeting, and my reporting their abuse to the FBI and law enforcement, as proof of insanity. Their case is extremely weak, to say the least, because it dishonestly twists things around and leaves out important and provable facts. They can not save face through trying to prove their "insane" lie true.
   They actually have the audacity to now pretend that being poor and homeless is proof of insanity, even though THEY- my own family has intentionally deprived me, in order to keep me trapped in poverty, for over a decade now! How much sense does that make? In the email they also pretend they have always just wanted to help me, but there is a lot of proof of them doing the complete opposite throughout the past as well as right now. When they first started the hateful "insane" game against me, I was not homeless and I knew nothing about microwave targeting and I was already in counseling and they ALL knew it. So their pretenses and dishonesty are VERY obvious to everyone who knows the full and factual history since 2002. They know the truth too - my sister and niece are just playing an evil game. The hate in Vivian and her daughter, and their dark manipulations of others, is VERY evident in many places. And the bottom line is that, any decent people, who genuinely thought their loved one was insane, would do the complete opposite of what my family has done to me for over two decades. No ifs ands or buts about it.

No matter what they do or say, to try to justify their dishonest and hateful and abusive and thieving ways, or to try to hide their own wrong doings, they can not justify or hide them anymore. I stand strong; I now trust my own sanity and the wise psychologist who told me to stay away from Vivian after she talked to her and realized that she is the one who has the problem. I don't know who Vivian/Jennifer are trying to fool with that email, but they sure can't fool me anymore. I know the truth now.

The truth is still the same, no matter how many lies
 and pretenses they try to change it with.

This last deceitful and mentally abusive email was sent just before a round of my younger brother texting me and intensely trying to coerce me into meeting with him. He said he'd only give me a copy of my father's will if I met with him in person...etc. I didn't bite the hook, even though I did not read the email until the next day, because I'd had a dream that warned me of both of my brothers zooming in to open a door for my ill intending sisters to get to me.

ITS A VERY DIFFICULT THING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH - A FAMILY THAT IS TOO HORRIBLY DISHONEST AND MENTALLY ABUSIVE AND HATEFUL AND VENGEFUL TO BE SAFE. BUT THEN, I REALLY DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT...

Last night, after uploading my first version of this post, I sent my family the following email; "To my family, I am taking some needed time to myself, until further notice. So, please only contact me through snail mail IF IT IS SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT and non-abusive."

P.S. I actually did not even really want to see my father's trust/will, especially if I am not in it. I had sent my family emails, asking my sisters to share my father's will and their plans for his estate, primarily because I intuitively knew they had more stabbings coming and I wanted to get it over with as fast as possible, so that I could put it all behind me. I was right. And now that part is over. I didn't really want my share of the inheritance either, but I do need the financial help, in order to get back onto my own feet and take better care of myself. And I did not want to refuse the inheritance, no matter what they stabbed me with, in order to try to make me slam the door and give it up, because that would have enabled their theft. So, my stand is still cast in stone - if they deprive me, in order to feed their greed and hate, its their choice, not mine. But still, I am not expecting anything.

The Trouble With Fabrications and Blocked Hearts

One part of the directive, which I believe my sister dishonestly wrote, said that I'd told my father that I did not want to be a part of the family or anyone associated with it. And it also implies that I had accused some of my siblings of something, which is not true. Just two words - "and others," in the directive appears to have stirred up a lot of trouble against me since my younger brother secretly read it a few years ago. After he read the will he started bringing up all the wrongs I'd done in my childhood and life, and even adding to them, literally every time we spoke. We have not spoken much because of this. I had to keep slamming walls up against the discord.
   Through that time I had foolishly assumed that my father may have given me too much in his will, in efforts to try to compensate for what he and the family have done to me, and that this is why my brother was so upset with me. Now I realize that it was actually the complete opposite, it was yet another round of my sister's dishonest hate that triggered even more hate against me, in dishonest statements that were actually being used as an excuse to take me out of my father's will.
   I find it disturbing that my brother lashed out at me, instead of talking to me about it, and that my sisters used my father's death as yet another opportunity to hurt me and turn my brothers against me. This scenario is nothing knew, at all, but they should have refrain from such behaviors at time like this, instead of vamping them up. If only my sisters were not so dishonest and manipulative and so hatefully wanting to cause trouble between me and other family members. But they have been this way for as long as I can remember. And I now realize that I'd be a fool to expect it to be any other way.

The trouble with fabrications is that many people tend to blindly believe them, instead of questioning them.

And the trouble with blocked hearts is that they tend to lash out, when confronted, instead of calmly talking it out or looking in the mirror.

Unfortunately we all have blocked hearts, to some degree, thanks to the societal suppression of feelings, and the numbing pharmaceuticals, and the street drugs (including marijuana), and certain frequencies of radio waves...etc. A LOT of freedom and positive change is needed in my family and in our whole world. If only we were all free.

Another Computer Infiltration

I wrote a few emails to my siblings, as I processed the slam my sisters sent in the directive. And parts of those emails appear to have been altered in my computer. Below is one example of this. Its amazing how the erasing of just two words or a period can completely alter the meaning of a sentence or paragraph. The period and the "I" were erased in this one....

"I am totally sure that the "and others in the family" part of this directive is just yet another one of Vivians manipulative hurtful and troublemaking schemes. I have NEVER said anything to anyone about any sort of ..." 

Have my sisters infiltrated my computers through me opening emails they sent or inn some other way? In more than one place, my saying that "I can picture my father writing part of this", has been turned into statements that make it look like I was saying that I can picture him writing the whole thing and not just parts of it. I'm sure there is more, but I've not combed through all the emails. Its just too discouraging. I'm letting it go with this statement.

Facing a Painful Reality

Some people throw their loved ones up on an undeserved pedestal after they die, and some people face reality. I'm a reality person.

In this situation with my father’s death, and my homeless plight being used, in order to try to finish destroying my sanity, my spirituality, my intuition and my heart, is very painful and is an impossible pill to swallow, literally. (No pun intended.)
   Getting this blow from my father's grave is really hard. And I know that my sister is not 100% to blame. She is the primary culprit in the mentally abusive and depriving directive, as well as in the past issue between my father and I - issues that have existed since she fabricated emails against him from my account in the 2002/2003 winter. But my father had made his own mistakes too - between then and 2013 he had been engaging in the mental abuse against me, just as much as my sister had. And this had been a massive source of pain for me. I thought I'd cried it all out, in 2004 and in the 2006/2007 winter. But I am now experiencing another round of it, because it is again being done to me now.

I actually never had a lot of respect for my father, because I had always noticed the ways that he'd try to make his wife or children jealous, and the ways that he'd put down my wisdom and then repeat it as if it were his own...etc. (I was hurt a lot, by my father's aims to fuel my sister’s jealousy of me, through going way overboard with praising me in front of them.) He was often like a foolish child, to me. And was never much of a parental figure to me. But I deeply loved him, anyway. And it hurts that he never fully returned my love. I know that he loved me as much as he could. Long ago, I had accepted the fact that he was not capable of loving me as much as I had needed him to. But he should never have been actually aiming to hurt me, no matter what my sister wrote in those emails and no matter what his issues were. It just was not fair to me.
   Because my sister has been using and hurting my father, in order to hurt me and sabotage my relationship with my father, since at least 2002, I have mainly and justly blamed her. Even now (in recent years) I am certain that she is the one who is re-raising the old issue, which she'd previously raised between my father and I, in order to hurt and deprive me. But my father made his own mistakes too and they are now pushing their way into the foreground. I had loved my father unconditionally, no matter what he had done to me, but he did not even come close to feeling the same way about me. And this is the painful reality I am now facing. Even though he most likely did not even know what my sister was doing with the directive in 2021, in the deeper past he had gone along with her hateful drive against me in a VERY destructive and painful way...

I wish my father had at least loved me

enough to not want to hurt me.

More on the "Insane" Game

The "Insane" Game

copyright 2-5-2024 Sharon Rose Poet

They were lead by greedy hate

And him, by a heartless shame,

In that cruel and careless place

Where they call me "insane."

And too many blind others

Followed their sick game.

The "Insane" Judgements

copyright 2-5-2024 Sharon Rose Poet

"She's poor and lives in a car"

And so "must be insane."

She refused the "treatment"

In her family's evil game.

"She is not important enough"

"She's Just a begger who's lazy"

"Something is wrong with her" -

"She must be totally crazy!"

They all ignored her lupus

They all refrained from care

They all embraced a darkness

That shouldn't even be there.

A Painful Reminder Rose Out of My Father's Grave

My sister sent me "directive" that she says my father wrote. The part that was about me, brought up an old issue that was between my father and I since my sister's fabricated emails and then later me realizing it and confronting him in the 2006/2007 winter. It was surrounded by dishonest statements about things I supposedly said to him at that time. After this, the directive says that I'm not allowed to get my inheritance unless I return to the family and get "treatment" for the "illness" that he and my sisters had proclaimed I have in 2003, after my sister's fabricated emails from my account, about him. If I do these things, what I get, or if I get anything is left up to my sisters.

 
THIS IS YET ANOTHER ROUND OF TRYING TO FORCE ME INTO BEING IMPRISONED IN AN INSTITUTION WHERE IT IS ALMOST A GUARANTEE THAT PSYCHOTROPIC DRUGS AND SHOCK TREATMENTS WOULD DESTROY ME SPIRTUALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY. My father and sisters have always known that I HAD seen a psychologist - that I HAVE been in counseling, so this is NOT about me getting help and IS about hurting me and silencing me and destroying my sanity. This is definitely part of the evil targeting.

 
  I have been trying to figure out how much of this was by father's doing and how much was my sisters doing. And I have come to the conclusion that it was a heavy dose of both - that my sister used an issue, that existed between my father and I, to torment him and abuse and deprive me or have me institutionalized right after my father's death. I never expected an inheritance; I felt that even if my father had me in his will, my sisters would probably see to it that I got nothing. But the directive is a VERY painful blow to me. Even if my sister initially wrote it or pushed him to write it, the fact that my father had been trying to have me institutionalized, even though he KNEW I had already gone into counseling to get help with healing from my difficult childhood, is still a VERY painful reality, that I have been faced with since 2002. The pain, of knowing that my own father cared about me so little that he would have me thought to be insane and imprisoned cut me to the core in 2004 - when I realized why, and I guess I didn't totally cry it all out during my healing sessions in 2004 and 2007, because it still hurts a lot now.
   Its just like my sister to want to deeply stab me at a time when I am already hurting - right after my father's death. She did this to both my father and I right after my youngest brother's death, through fabricating emails against him, from my email account. The cruelty is shocking. It shouldn't shock me anymore, but it still does. But it is more than just her. Its been my whole family either going along with it, or being deceived and pulled along by it.

I loved my father and I forgave him, even though he'd made some grave mistakes and never was much of a father to me. And finding out that his "love" and "forgiveness"," in the past decade, was only empty and dishonest words, hurts a lot. Its easy to blame my sisters, because their jealous hate did not want him to even care about me, and had fueled and used the old issue (between my father and I) to hurt both of us. But it was him too. And its time for e to face the full scope of this. This has been VERY difficult for me, because its not been just a painful lack of love for me, in my family, its been an evil drive to hurt me and deprive me and destroy my sanity. My own father wanting to destroy my sanity, in order to hide his little mistake. It hurts like hell.

My father had refused to help me, financially, after I was shoved into poverty by covert targeting that even stole my bank account, unless I checked myself into an institution. He and my whole family knows that I do not do drugs and that I do not drink alcohol and that I am not suicidal and that I do not harm people and that I HAVE been in counseling - (counceling that my father had initially actually tried to stop me from continuing!) But still, no help to get back onto my own feet, unless I get institutionalized. To most people this makes no sense at all, because most families would actually do the complete opposite; if a family member was really thought to be mentally ill they would help them even more, because of it, not less. It makes no sense, because its part of the evil targeting and the aim is to hurt me and silence me and destroy my sanity under the guise of "help" in a place that uses electric shock "treatements" to wipe out people's memories and psychiatric pharmaceuticals to block their spirituality and hearts and make them more manipulatable/brainwashable. Did my own father want to destroy me this way, in order to cover up the "issue"? It appears so.

This has been the most painful thing I've ever had to face! But I believe it even more now, because of what I recently saw in a vision. I saw a shocking darkness in my father and uncle. And I think it has probably always been there, because my father used to deprive me, and intentionally fuel my sister's jealousy of me...etc., when I was a child as well as in my adult life. Perhaps this is where my sister got the sneeky manipulative hurtful stuff from. Me being the complete opposite - having a lot of heart, made me their target in MANY subtle ways, but in some very obvious ones too. What is happening now, with the directive, is very obvious.


This is part of a statement I wrote for my siblings...

Well... I've covered both sides of this. As I processed it I went back and forth - was it Dad or was it Vivian (and probably Evelyn too) who wrote the directive? And I have come to the conclusion that it was definitly both. Below are the bare facts...

1. The "directive" was written in 1015 and revised in the fall of 2021. Around 2015 Vivian had found out that I was connecting with Dad and was on a rampage against me and was trying to reset a wall between Dad and I. This was when I had my last conversation with her. In that conversation she had said, "Stay out of New Boston" before she viciously spit out "You are evil and I am going to protect my father from you." I hung up on her.
    And the late summer and fall of 2021 appears to be when Vivian and Evelyn found out that I was talking to both Gerry and Dad and was setting Dad up with a diet plan...etc. It was after this that they also reconnected with Gerry, started the family emails and appear to have even set Dad up with a new TV and phone that he and his communications could be monitored through. There is not a doubt in my mind that my sisters either reraised 'the issue' with Dad or had him sign that revised directive without him knowing what he was signing. If they had reraised it with him I think it would have been evident in my conversations with him. One of my best conversations with Dad was AFTER the date of the 2021 revision. Was he that two faced? I'm not sure.

2. I doubt that Dad would have wanted this issue being exposed in the family when he died. That I know of, nobody but Vivian knew about it until right after Gerry had set up the family meeting for Dad in 2022. That was when Mike said to me, "Vivian told me that you accused Dad of sexual abuse." Then I addressed it with my siblings, and shouldered the blame. Point being, that was not until 2022 - several months AFTER the directive was revised.

3. It is possible that, in 2021, Dad feared me telling the family after he'd died, if Vivian or Evelyn raised the issue with him again. But I have a hard time believing that Dad wrote some of the dishonest parts of the directive, especially in 2021 when he knew that I WAS already reconnected with the family (him and my brothers) for many years.

I'm sure my sisters expected me to say that I don't want any of the inheritance anyway. I'm not doing that, because I refuse to let greed and jealous hate freely have what it wants to deprive me of. I am making this I firm stand... I WILL NOT GET THE DESTRUCTIVE "TREATEMENT." AND I WILL NOT GET CLOSER TO A FAMILY THAT HURTS ME TOO MUCH AND DISTRUSTS MY SANITY TOO MUCH FOR IT TO BE A HEALTHY OR SAFE PLACE FOR ME. I WILL NOT AGREE TO ANY MANIPULATIVE AND DECIETFUL PLAN MY SISTERS MAY HAVE CONCOCTED, IN ORDER TO HAVE CONTROL OVER MY LIFE AND HURT ME EVEN MORE THAN THEY ALREADY HAVE. AND I WILL NOT ERASE ANY OF MY WRITINGS, IN ORDER TO GET MY INHERITANCE. I WANT MY FULL FAIR SHARE OF THE MONETARY PART OF OUR INHERITANCE TO BE DELIVERED UNCONDITIONALLY.

Whether or not I am allowed to get my fair share of the inheritance is up to my sisters, but its also up to my brothers to go along with them or not. I think we all know how this is going to go. But by making this stand - I can know that I didn't help my sisters to hurt or deprive me...

If there is a sneeky plan to pretend to "help" me, through allowing me to stay in Dad's house or the cabin in Maine, where the neighbors can harass me and my sisters can moniter me or set me up to be hauled off to an institution, THIS IS NOT GOING TO SUCCEED, BECAUSE I WILL NOT GO. PERIOD. (I had a dream warning of this.)

I do not feel comfortable or safe being too close to the family and this is not going to change in the near future, because of my state of overwhelm and the proven levels ill intentions that have and still do exist toward me there. Even just being as close as I have been worries me. One current concern is due to a dream, which warned me about my words being changed in an evil aim to hurt me. Since then I've learned that digital voice recordings can be altered, in order to make it look like a person has said things they didn't say or like a conversation was different from what it really was. I hope my sisters have not been having Mike or anyone else do recordings of my conversations, for this purpose. Mike has recently been VERY pushy about trying to force me to call him, instead of doing text or email just for important things, like I have repeatedly requested. (Unfortunately I bit the hook once in the past year, just a few days ago. I need this to stop.
   There is just too much hate and deceit and ill intentions and sneaky manipulativeness and dishonesty in the family, for me to feel safe or comfortable being too close to it. But I love you all and I still pray for positive change.

You ALL know that I am homeless and that I deeply need enough financial help, in order to get back onto MY OWN feet and get MY OWN home in a place where there is at least a chance for me to be and feel safe. Is my family going to continue intentionally depriving me of this financial help? A bit of time will tell. But I am not expecting anything.

Song for my Father

Lead Me Home by Jamey Johnson

https://youtu.be/3rbW8rbpQ9I?si=IUKF1QZTk17Kva82

I share more about my father's passing on this page; 
https://sharonrosepoet.blogspot.com/p/my-fathers-death-and-rebirth.html

Stolen Good-bye

My sisters are not allowing a wake for our father. And I feel that being able to say good-by to a loved one, either when they are on their death bed, or at an open casket wake, is a VERY important and needed closure. A wake for my father was especially important for me, because my sisters had built a hostile wall between him and I, in the last year of his life. Due to this, my plan was to go see him at his wake, and do my own private and peaceful good-bye, after everyone else had left, so that it would not raise any issues for me or anyone else. And being deprived of this feels horrible. Right now its one of my deepest sources of grief.
   My sisters say that this is the way my father wanted it. But I feel absolutely certain that my father did NOT want all of his loved ones, except his two oldest daughters and their children, to be deprived of the chance to say good-bye to him, in person. This was my sister's choice, not his. And its just too wrong.
Because I so deeply grieve this stolen good-bye, there is a little consoling voice, deep inside my heart, that says, "someday you will be able to say good-bye, and even another hello, in a place where they cannot interfere." But I still cry. Right now I just so needed to be able to see him and say good-bye to him.

My heart now aches so, while I cry

I've needed so much to say good-bye

Stolen Good-bye

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-20-2024

No wake. No closure.

No chance to say good-bye.

How can they be so mean,

Even right after you die?

The Final Door

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-20-2024

She can't hurt him,

To hurt me, anymore;

He's passed through

His final door.

She can't use him

To hurt me, anymore;

His death and wake

Were her final door.

Sorely Missed

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-20-2024

I don't now miss Dad anymore than before.

I'd already missed him right down to my core.

I missed the meetings they didn't allow

I missed them then and I miss them now.

I missed the welcome. I missed the care.

I miss what never was even there.

I missed his release from her nigh.

I miss being able to say good-bye.

I share more about my father's passing on this page; 
https://sharonrosepoet.blogspot.com/p/my-fathers-death-and-rebirth.html

My Father's Suffering has Ended

He did not have a good and fulfilling life,

But he is now free of the pain and strife.

My father passed away yesterday afternoon. It appears that my sisters are not allowing a wake, depriving all of his loved ones of that deeply needed closure. This should not be surprising to anyone who knows them or this situation. But it is to me. I so needed that closure.
   I feel relieved that he is no longer suffering and is now free. The phrase, "He is now in a better place," applies doubly in this situation. But I grieve his life - especially his last couple years, which were the complete opposite of what he had wanted and needed, and were filled with unnatural suffering and the intentional deprivation of most of his loved ones and his home, which he had wanted to spend the rest of his life in.
   Not being allowed to be there for him, when he needed my heart the most, has been and still is a VERY great source of pain for me, and I know it was for him too. I hope to use my father's situation, as an example to help pass new laws that protect elderly people from greedy children and emotional and mental abuse and intentional deprivation. He was a victim of all these.

My sisters had, on many occasions, severely deceived my father as their jealous hate fabricated things, in order to turn him against me and destroy our relationship. And I have always felt that, when he dies - when his Spirit is free he will finally see the truth about me. So, there is a part of me that wants to stare down my sisters and say, "NOW HE KNOWS THE TRUTH! YOUR DECEPTIONS CAN'T EXIST BEYOND THE GRAVE." But they wouldn't believe me, anyway. "She's crazy" is what they'd say. 

Last night I wrote the following poems as I was doing a small round of grieving my father's final year and also finding comfort in knowing that he is now free of it. At one point, I felt his Spirit here with me...

Father's Ohio Prison

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-19-2024

He dared not make a sound.

As he groped on the ground

With no help or care around.

I saw him crying in that chair.

I felt his pain I could not bare.

No heart could even get there

While he suffered in her snare!

He dared not make a sound.

As he groped on the ground

With no help or care around.

Now he Knows the Truth

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-19-2024

I want to smugly say to them
Again and again and again,

"Now Dad knows the whole truth

Of your deceptions so uncouth."

Even as he sees what they do

He loves and forgives them too.

I have not yet reached that place

My anger needs to have it's space.

"Now Dad knows the whole truth

Of your deceptions so uncouth."

But they'd not believe me, anyway.

"She's crazy" is what they'd say.

I'm so, so Sorry, Dad

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-19-2024

I'm sorry I should have done more

To save you from their darkest door.

I'm not sure what I could have done

While too isolated from everyone.

But there was something, I'm sure.

I'm so, so sorry I didn't do more.

He's OK Now

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-19-2024

"I'm OK" I think he may have just said

In my searching gropes inside my head.

Was it him or only what I want to hear?

Was it just a wish in my unshed tear?

Did I really hear, "We love you bum"

Through leaves glowing in the sun?

Yes I did. His time has truly come.

He'll be smiling there with Mom.

Tears of Relief

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-19-2024

Here they finally come - tears of deep relief

Instead of the usual mourning in loss grief.

It means so much more than I can ever say,

To know that you are now finally "OK."

A Special Place

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-19-2024

Comfort, truth and Love are saved,

In a special place beyond the Grave,

Where freedom opens up the eyes,

And helps the heart to purge - to cry,

So that those who could not see,

Can finally set their Spirits free.

From Father to Son

copyright Sharon Rose Poet 1-19-2024

If he could speak to you he'd say

Words of comfort from the grave,

"I really do love you"

"You do matter too"

"I'm so, so sorry."

"Forgive me."

"I forgive you."

"I'm free."

"I'm me."

"I see."

I share more about my father's passing on this page; 
https://sharonrosepoet.blogspot.com/p/my-fathers-death-and-rebirth.html