Letter to my Father

 I had posted a letter to my father here at a time when I was really upset about my sister upsetting him just to use him against me again. In the letter I begged my father to have more consideration for me and to take a neutral stand between my sisters and I. I was sure that my sisters would not allow our father to get this letter. So, I posted it here. But I have removed it. I'm sure that posting it here did not enable him get it either. And I had decided to not even try to send it to him, even if he had been returned home and allowed to get private mail, because I do not know if it will do any good. I have thought, for a long time now, that it is too late for my father to even just reach the point of being objective with me, because my sisters have had him so manipulated and brainwashed for so long. And this is even more true since his mind started faltering a bit in the past couple years. I had actually accepted this a couple years ago. My father is just not able to get past that mental block. And I think that he can not even be objective about me unless he faces some of the truth about my sisters, which appears to be too painful for him to face, and understandably so.  I think it has been too late for us for a VERY long time now.

Since those two messages, that my sister manipulated my father into leaving on my phone this year, I have had to again accept the fact that my father thinks I am an "evil" and "insane" and "hateful" and "lieing" person, and that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  This hurts, because those things my sisters say about me are not true. But this is not a new pain for me...

This is not a new pain for me.

Its been here since 2003.

And he still can't see.

   No matter how much my heart has wished for a positive shift in my relationship with my father; the bottom line is that I lost him in the beginning of 2003, when his trust in me, and his good opinion of me, was destroyed with fabricated emails and other cruel and manipulative games performed by my sisters. And I did not really expect this to change, at this point, especially since the cruel games are still being played by my sisters and also their children. They will not allow my father to follow his own heart into a neutral stand between them and I, which is all I have ever expected of him in this situation. I do not blame him for not being able to do this, and its easy for me to forgive him, because I know he has not had the freedom to follow hs own heart and instincts.
    The fact that he has been so abused and manipulated, and is now in such a fragile mental state, is actually why I have been fighting so hard for him to have peace in a neutral environment (in his own home where he wants to be) for the rest of his life. I have actually not expected this to make anything better in our relationship. It is just too horribly sad and wrong that he has been manipulated out of his own beloved home and isolated with the most abusive parts of our family in his vulnerable old age. My heart aches for him, even though he thinks so little of me. And I am still standing up for him even though it has put my head on the family chopping block.