Thursday, January 12, 2023; Update on My Family Situation
On January 7 my brothers told me that my father had a mental break down (a week or so ago) and "was shooting a gun into the woods" thinking that people were there... that my second oldest sister just took him to Ohio a couple days ago... and that his home is now in the process of being sold immediately.
But, it turns out that what my father did was shoot a gun "into the air" two times, in order to scare away people whom he thought he saw in the woods. However, officials found no evidence of the people really being there. And what my father saw the people doing was so odd that it appeared he was having some sort of hallucination. Either version is pretty extreme and sounds very unlike my father.
My father is not at all the type of person who would use guns carelessly or have such a "mental breakdown," even though he is really elderly. He has always been a very stable person, mentally. Due to this and the chain of events before this...etc., I believe that what is thought to be my father's "mental breakdown" was actually either him being harassed with covert targeting or his mind being effected by drugs and/or microwave energy or all three. And I FULLY believe that he was being manipulated into leaving his home. In the past couple years there had been efforts to make my father leave his home and he was adamant about wanting to stay there for the rest of his life. It is possible that part of the problem is his mind faltering due to old age, but it surely is not all this, even if part of it is.
Now my concern for him is not only what may happen to him, but also how he is coping with this recent chain of events. I feel sure that he does not have the proper kinds of support and help and nutrition at my sister's home. It is horribly wrong and sad that he will now be even questioning his own sanity as he is pulled out of his home and into unfamiliar surroundings and without anyone else to turn to but my sisters who have both demonstrated a severe lack of care and consideration for him through the past, and can even be cruel to him.
I'd heard that one of them had recently asked him for her share of her inheritance in advance, instead of waiting until he dies, even though he may need that money to take care of himself in his old age. And I wonder if this is why they have removed him from his home and are selling it.
I was told that my father now "wants" to leave his home and sell it and that it was his "choice." But this is NOT true. The truth is that he has been being manipulated/forced into making that choice. It was not a free choice - it was a choice that he was forced to make while under duress and while being manipulated by my sisters and possibly while his brain function was being effected by the microwave part of the targeting that he has been a victim of for a long time now.
My father was adamant about wanting to stay in his home "until his last breath" and I was trying to help him draw up legal documents to make sure his wishes had to be honored by ALL of his children. Due to my father's loss of trust in me I had been begging my older brother to help him with this, in the past couple years. But our efforts were blatantly sabotaged by my sisters. And now he has been pulled out of his home and is in Ohio with my second oldest sister. But BOTH of my sisters are together on what is being done to my father.
My brothers said that our father will call us if he needs help. But this is NOT true, even IF my sisters allows him to. Due to one of them and her son recently sabotaging my father's relationship with my older brother (for the second time) and my brother angrily blasting my father and then completely closing the door on him...my father is not going to turn to him for help. Due to some of my younger brothers behaviors and negative attitudes toward my father, he is not going to turn to him. Due to my sisters and niece and nephew sabotaging my relationship with my father, through convincing him that I am insane and evil through the past twenty years, he is not going to turn to me.
At this point my father surely feels like he has nobody else to turn to except my two sisters who severely manipulate him and destroy his relationships, instead of caring about him, since he started getting more money then the norm. My father is a mind control victim, and microwaves are used on him as well. Some of the brainwashings have been severe and shocking and have served the dark aims of BOTH of my troubled sisters.
My father has needed other people in his family, aside from my sisters - people who are genuinely kind and considerate, whom he can be safe and comfortable with, but he has gotten the complete opposite, due to the sabotages and manipulations and this is horribly sad for him. He has been manipulated and brainwashed into trusting only them and he is unaware of what they have done to him and what their intentions are now.
The way that my sisters destroyed my father's relationship with me (in the 2002/2003 winter) was utterly cruel and hurt him tremendously; they used one of their children to get the password to my email account and then fabricated emails, that were against my father and made me look really bad and crazy as well. I'll never forget the pain in my father's voice when he confronted me about it! They completely destroyed his trust in me and he would not believe me when I told him that it was not me who wrote those things. It was like he had forgotten who I was and everything he'd known about me and how hatefully jealous my sisters had always been of me, prior to this event and just blindly believed the things they fabricated. It was like he had been completely brainwashed and the truth could not penetrate the wall. At the time, I found this shocking and baffling. But I am now sure that microwave mind control helped my sister's aims in this situation as well as the current one.
There has been a lot of discord raised in the family as my sisters aimed to finish gaining complete control of my father's life and estate in the past year or so. Its sad for him, but also sad for my brothers, whom I feel were both being manipulated against my father through both my sisters and microwave mind control. This process left my father with nobody but my sisters to turn to and depend on in his vulnerable old age, which was their aim.
I know that my father is not going to turn to my brothers unless they let their hearts reach out to him and resolve the problems that were raised between them. But both seem unable to do so. Aside the other issues, both of my brothers are angry with my father for letting my sister manipulate him so severely and understandably so, because they do not realize the scope of the manipulations/brainwashings and that it is not our father's fault. All three of them - my father and brothers, seem trapped in a haze that blocks their hearts from reaching out to each other and I feel certain that both microwaves and the brain and feeling numbing pharmaceuticals are the primary culprit in at least two of them. (And it may also be what sometimes makes my sisters behave worse than the norm.)
I know that my father leaving his home was NOT what he wanted and that BOTH of my sisters have manipulated him into agreeing to leave. I cringe to think of what could happen to him after my sisters finish stealing his money, which seems to be one of their aims since 2002 - to greedily get it all for themselves. My father did not want to end up in a nursing home - he wanted to stay in his own home until he dies. And being with either one of my sister's is not good for him either. I do not believe that either of them is even capable of the levels of GENUINE kindness and consideration and respect that my father needs and should have. And both can be heartlessly cruel to him in ways that are emotionally and mentally abusive.
I am praying really hard that my father will be returned to his home and will be able to feel safe there and can live out the rest of his life in peace...and that GENUINELY kind and considerate help is brought there to him IF he ever TRULY does reach a point where he should not be alone or can not take care of himself. Like I had told the whole family in the past couple years, if he TRULY reached that point, a room in his home could be rented so that he is not alone, or someone could be hired to go there and take care of him if more was needed, even if his home had to be mortgaged, in order to do so. But I think that most of them did not like this idea, because it would have eaten away at their inheritance.
As my brothers texted me to inform me of what had happened to our father, their texts came in as things that had to be downloaded, before I could even read them. Other texts do not come through this way, so I am wondering why. There was also some discord between them and me. It is really sad that we could not pull together to help my father and be sources of support to each other during this difficult time. I stand alone in my heart's yearn to help my father and this is not nearly enough.
If my sister had not made my father feel uncomfortable with me through convincing him that I am insane and evil...etc., I'd be driving to Ohio to give him a hug and tell him that I love him and assure him that he can get the help he needs, in his own home, if he wants to return home...etc. But this is not the case and my trying to do this would merely raise more discomfort for both him and me. It would actually be unsafe for me to go to my sister's home. BOTH of my sisters have always been hatefully jealous of me, and this turned into cruel aims to hurt me in multiple ways. I wish that my brother's HEARTS could go help him and bring him home, but I have been unable to reach them.
I had recently publicly put up more of a wall, between my family and I, not only to protect myself from the discord, but also to protect them from vamp ups in the microwave targeting that seems to be what effects their minds during some of their interactions with me, even though it has been from a distance. I have always been the primary target in the family, although now my father's money is a heavy focus in most of them, getting me more out of the way is something my sisters would do if they could. I think that my public stand on this may be putting some wedges in their greedy intentions with my father and I am glad for this.
I've had hope for freedom to come for my whole family and to at least be able to see my father before he dies. So, when my older brother told me that my father "is gone" and that I "will never see him again" it felt like a knife in my gut. Unfortunately those words are probably true. I feel indescribably sad. I am deeply worried about my father and what will happen to him.
P.S. I am blocking out the sibling discord, because its my father who needs my attention; although I can not directly be there for him, I can be praying and visualizing Light shining for him and I will be doing more of this now that I am calming down. I am doing this for me and the rest of my family too.
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Friday, January 13, 2023; Worried About my Father
My father has been pulled out of his home and into an unfamiliar environment and is being confused with a new cell phone directly after he had gone through a mentally confusing experience. This is the worse thing that could be done to him, at a time like this! My sisters know this is not good for him, because this issue was addressed in the family in the past couple years, after they also confused him with BOTH a new phone and new TV while he was grieving the loss of a loved one. My second oldest sister has him at her home in Ohio and is verbally attacking me and blaming my brother's, instead of keeping communications only about our father and is projecting this onto me. He's stuck there with her and she has taken control of his phone and mail. She is a troubled person who is often in a place of hate and vengeance, although she sometimes pretends to be nice. My other sister is surely involved in all of this as well.
Mental abuse is sometimes subtle, and done under the guise of "help", but it still is what it is!
I pray that my father is returned to his home and that genuinely kind and considerate help is brought there to him, like what should have happened to begin with.
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Monday, January 16, 2023; Stand for My Brothers, My Father, me and TRUTH
After my January 12th post my sister zoomed in to pretend to be nice - opening a door to give me permission to call my father on the new cell phone she is in the process of setting up for him. In the verbal phone message she pretended that she wants my father and I to talk. She poured it on more thick than any other time....even said they would "be grateful" if I called him. Aside from this being the usual cover-up type thing, to make it look good, I feel certain it was also some sort of trap. She soooooo does not want me talking to my father unless she can use it as a way to fabricate something, which she'd probably do if I had a verbal conversation with him right now. So, I did not call him. Because her niceness was an act, and I did not bite the hook, it quickly turned into a texting attack against me. Initially she pretended that she was concerned about me upsetting our father (as if it was me who had been upsetting him!), and she was blaming my brothers; she said that our father is not doing well and that our brothers "helped to destroy him."
Then after I posted the previous post about a bit of the mental abuse problem, she told me that she will not allow me to contact my father because she said, "you are no good for our father - you are a cruel and evil person." In this statement she is doing her usual projection of her own behaviors onto me.
The truth is that I am not the one who has been upsetting my father. ALL of my life long interactions with my father (on my end) have been nothing but kind and considerate and caring and peaceful, with the exception of only two of them. And those two exceptions were in 2004 and 2006 and even those can not be considered too bad, because they were mild reactions to hurtful things that were being done to me and one of my daughters. This is a pretty good record.
My sister blocking me from my father again, does not bother me much because I had already been letting go since their last sabotaging of my father and I's relationship, and my older brother and father's relationship, last year. So, if this is when I finish loosing my father; its something I have already been bracing myself for through the past few months. There are no issues, between my father and I, that have not already been resolved as much as they can be under the current conditions. Its my father and his feelings and what my sisters are doing to him that I am concerned about.
Over-all I have treated my father VERY well. I know that I was good to him and good for him, no matter what my sisters project or fabricate, when my sisters allowed me to be in his life and through the many years when they did not know that my father and I were still talking. I can not change what they have done and convinced him of, especially not by myself and it is too late for this part, which is sadder for him then it is for me. What my sisters did to sabotage my fathers trust in me hurt him a lot more than it hurt me; he had needed me and my heart in his life and I had not needed him in mine. I had accepted the fact that there is an unresolvable wall that my sisters raised between my father and I, which he is not able to face and knock down. I had finished accepting this a couple years ago. My consolation was and still is that when he has passed on, he will be shown the truth and I have prayed for compassionate angels to be comforting him through that process.
It is what it is, although it shouldn't be. Someday we'll all be free.
My heart really feels for my father and brothers and me, because we are all various types of victims of the hell that my sisters have raised with their greed, their jealousies, their hate, their vendettas, their manipulations and slanders and sabotages...etc. My brothers may look sort of bad in this current situation, especially since at least one of my sisters is blaming them for my father's condition and leaving out the vital details. But... If the real truth ever comes out it will show how manipulated my brothers were and how much pain they were in and who instigated and manipulated the discord between them and our father as my sisters aimed for complete control of my father and his estate. If my sister thought I'd side with her in blaming my brothers for helping to "destroy" our father in the past year, she had another thing coming and this post is it. I believe in truth and I detest misplaced blame, especially when its a projection from those who truly are responsible.
I have felt upset with my brothers, due to some of their behaviors toward my father, BUT if I were in their shoes, and had been in the middle of the family discord and was unaware of being manipulated...etc., I may have reacted in similar ways, just like most people would. The disputes were inevitable under those conditions; where my father's blind trust in my sisters lead him to confide in them and made him not realize how they were repeating things, in cruel ways, just to make my brother's feel betrayed by their own father...etc.
I wish my brothers would patch things up with my father, but that decision is not mine to make. And I doubt that my sisters would allow it even if they wanted to do it. The way things are right now, my father truly has no one but my sisters to turn to for help and it has been intentionally set up this way.
Last year, my sister and her son sabotaged my older brother's relationship with my father, DIRECTLY AFTER he had set up a family meeting with my father and other siblings, in order to look over his affairs, including papers that my sister had my father sign and would not release copies of when my father asked her to. The end result was not only the destruction of my father's relationship with his oldest son, but also the sabotaging of the meeting, which appears to be keeping secret BOTH of my sister's aims to take advantage of my father in his old age.
I think similar manipulations have probably been happening to my younger brother - my sisters stirring up his past issues with my father and manipulating him into doing things and then blaming him for it.
In my book, its the manipulative instigators who are responsible far more so than the victims who react negatively.
My brother's think that my father will call for help when he realizes he's in trouble or if my sister treats him badly in Ohio, but he would not be able to do this, even if he did reach the point of wanting to. I just learned directly from that sister that he does not even have a phone that he knows how to use without her helping him with it. So, he can only do what SHE wants him to and call who she wants him to. (BOTH of my sisters are extremely controlling.) I actually doubt he'll even reach the point of realizing what they are doing or of wanting to get away from them, because he's been so severely brainwashed and manipulated into trusting only my sisters for too long. But I think he will quickly reach the point, if he hasn't already, of wanting to go back to his home.
I pray that things do not get any worse for him than they already are...and that they can get a LOT better. I hope he gains all the consideration, compassion and respect and freedoms in his life that EVERY elderly person needs and should have. I hope he is quickly returned home, where he wants to be and should be.
If my father truly has been "destroyed", like my sister said, the only ones who can be fairly blamed for most of it is BOTH of my sisters, because they truly have caused him more pain and discomfort and mental confusion and emotional pain than ALL of the rest of us put together and even far more than that. (And much of it was done intentionally and cruelly!) And if he TRULY is in that bad of a mental state, why on earth are they adding to his confusion by taking him away from his home, to an unfamiliar place, and trying to teach him how to use a new and confusing cell phone at a time like this?
Because of my sisters sabotages and cruel games and fabrications against me, and the way that they manipulated my other loved ones against me throughout most of my life, I do not feel safe in my family... I do not even feel safe being connected to parts of it from a distance, like I have been doing in the past decade.
Both of my brother's have realized SOME of what my second oldest sister is capable of, but they have continued to trust our oldest sister. They do not yet realize that BOTH of my sisters have always been a team in the manipulations and hateful vendettas against me and other family members. That team now also includes my second oldest sister's children, at least since around 2002.
Dare to Look No More
copyright Sharon R. Poet 1-14-23
Thats how they set it up
As they took control.
They threw away the heart
And ravaged every soul.
I dared to look and face
That dark and stormy place
One last confusing time
For what I did not find.
If only they could care,
But it is just not there.
Its time to close a door
And dare to look no more.
P.S. One of my brothers finally did end up sending me a number for the sister who has my father. But I do not know if it is the right one. I tried to switch our texting to it, but she kept it on the new cell phone she said she was setting up for my father. I tried to reach her heart and even offered to open up communications with her, on HER phone, if she brought Dad home and kept it to being only about him and his current situation, but she chose to attack me, instead and then the usual projecting her cruelty onto me. Nothing new there! IN the end I asked her to not continue attacking me and our brothers on our father's phone and to not subject him to it...and I told her yet another time, to leave me alone. Truth is; she used my worry for my father, to crash through my previously set boundaries and attack me. No more!
IN my dreams I am constructing a white wall. In my life I am also doing this. But I am still worried about my father, because of what they have done to him, what they are now doing to him, and because I do not know what else they are going to do to him after they carry out their secret plan, which appears to be to liquidate his assets so they can have all of his money at their fingertips. Will they shove him into a nursing home after they sell his home, even though he has said that he does not want that and that he wants to remain in his own home for the rest of his life? What will happen to him? Nobody has told me what the plan is. It appears that only my sister's know and that they are not sharing it with the rest of the family.
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Thursday, January 19, 2023; I Matter Too
In this last round of hell, that my sisters raised in my family, I felt like I was being sucked back into a dark hole where I was being clawed at from all directions, at a time when it was known that I'd be upset and scared for my father. My concern for him made me re-open doors that were not good for me.
Right now there is an intentional withholding of information and blocking me from contact with my father. Because nobody in the family has let me know what my sisters are planning to do with my father... I asked a minister, who knows my father, to call and find out how my father is and what the plan is for him, but my sister told him that its none of my business. It is my business, because he is my father too and I care about him and worry about him!
I am concerned that my family may use my upset, during this time, in order to continue the dark game of trying to prove me insane or shove me into it. So, I'm not only scared for my father, but also for myself.
In my family, too many have wanted to make me out to be "crazy" or "over-sensitive" or "evil", instead of looking at and altering their own hurtful behaviors. Some fabricate things to slander me, some project their own "cruel" and "evil" behaviors onto me, some exaggerate things just to upset me, some withhold important information just to keep me wondering and worried...etc. Its not right, especially at a time like this when they know that I was already overwhelmed with other difficulties in my life. And I do not want to be subjected to anymore of it.
Through the initial texting with my brothers about my father's situation; I was dealing with a new phone. I had not known that me sending a text to both of my brothers would turn it into a continued group text and this made things really confusing for me - I'd thought that one brother was writing what the other one had really written...etc. This is not because I'm crazy; it is because I was unfamiliar with the new texting format of the new phones and I had just gotten upsetting news and was overwhelmed even before that.
Many of my family members (if not all) are victims of the pharmaceutical and microwave mind control and it seems like I can not reach their hearts no matter how hard I try. Some seem completely enslaved and not who they used to be. And this is as sad for them as it is for me and my father. And I get microwaved too. Consequently the rounds of hell in my family are sometimes like being swept up in a hurricane where all I can do is pray that I will still be in one piece after it spits me back out. I imagine its like this in a lot of targeted families, especially for the primary targets like myself.
My blog just suddenly stopped sending copies of posts to my email account. So, my blog is being interfered with again too. Is it my sister doing this? Has she gotten into yet another one of my email accounts? And how? I don't know who or how, but I know its happening again, right after she raged against my blog writing....
P.S. The bog function did start working again the second time I posted this "I matter Too" post. The first one went up two days ago.
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January 24, 2023; Recap on Family Situation
Monday, January 16, 2023; Stand for My Brothers, My Father, me and TRUTH
After my January 12th post my sister zoomed in to pretend to be nice - opening a door to give me permission to call my father on the new cell phone she is in the process of setting up for him. In the verbal phone message she pretended that she wants my father and I to talk. She poured it on more thick than any other time....even said they would "be grateful" if I called him. Aside from this being the usual cover-up type thing, to make it look good, I feel certain it was also some sort of trap. She soooooo does not want me talking to my father unless she can use it as a way to fabricate something, which she'd probably do if I had a verbal conversation with him right now. So, I did not call him. Because her niceness was an act, and I did not bite the hook, it quickly turned into a texting attack against me. Initially she pretended that she was concerned about me upsetting our father (as if it was me who had been upsetting him!), and she was blaming my brothers; she said that our father is not doing well and that our brothers "helped to destroy him."
Then after I posted the previous post about a bit of the mental abuse problem, she told me that she will not allow me to contact my father because she said, "you are no good for our father - you are a cruel and evil person." In this statement she is doing her usual projection of her own behaviors onto me.
The truth is that I am not the one who has been upsetting my father. ALL of my life long interactions with my father (on my end) have been nothing but kind and considerate and caring and peaceful, with the exception of only two of them. And those two exceptions were in 2004 and 2006 and even those can not be considered too bad, because they were mild reactions to hurtful things that were being done to me and one of my daughters. This is a pretty good record.
My sister blocking me from my father again, does not bother me much because I had already been letting go since their last sabotaging of my father and I's relationship, and my older brother and father's relationship, last year. So, if this is when I finish loosing my father; its something I have already been bracing myself for through the past few months. There are no issues, between my father and I, that have not already been resolved as much as they can be under the current conditions. Its my father and his feelings and what my sisters are doing to him that I am concerned about.
Over-all I have treated my father VERY well. I know that I was good to him and good for him, no matter what my sisters project or fabricate, when my sisters allowed me to be in his life and through the many years when they did not know that my father and I were still talking. I can not change what they have done and convinced him of, especially not by myself and it is too late for this part, which is sadder for him then it is for me. What my sisters did to sabotage my fathers trust in me hurt him a lot more than it hurt me; he had needed me and my heart in his life and I had not needed him in mine. I had accepted the fact that there is an unresolvable wall that my sisters raised between my father and I, which he is not able to face and knock down. I had finished accepting this a couple years ago. My consolation was and still is that when he has passed on, he will be shown the truth and I have prayed for compassionate angels to be comforting him through that process.
It is what it is, although it shouldn't be. Someday we'll all be free.
My heart really feels for my father and brothers and me, because we are all various types of victims of the hell that my sisters have raised with their greed, their jealousies, their hate, their vendettas, their manipulations and slanders and sabotages...etc. My brothers may look sort of bad in this current situation, especially since at least one of my sisters is blaming them for my father's condition and leaving out the vital details. But... If the real truth ever comes out it will show how manipulated my brothers were and how much pain they were in and who instigated and manipulated the discord between them and our father as my sisters aimed for complete control of my father and his estate. If my sister thought I'd side with her in blaming my brothers for helping to "destroy" our father in the past year, she had another thing coming and this post is it. I believe in truth and I detest misplaced blame, especially when its a projection from those who truly are responsible.
I have felt upset with my brothers, due to some of their behaviors toward my father, BUT if I were in their shoes, and had been in the middle of the family discord and was unaware of being manipulated...etc., I may have reacted in similar ways, just like most people would. The disputes were inevitable under those conditions; where my father's blind trust in my sisters lead him to confide in them and made him not realize how they were repeating things, in cruel ways, just to make my brother's feel betrayed by their own father...etc.
I wish my brothers would patch things up with my father, but that decision is not mine to make. And I doubt that my sisters would allow it even if they wanted to do it. The way things are right now, my father truly has no one but my sisters to turn to for help and it has been intentionally set up this way.
Last year, my sister and her son sabotaged my older brother's relationship with my father, DIRECTLY AFTER he had set up a family meeting with my father and other siblings, in order to look over his affairs, including papers that my sister had my father sign and would not release copies of when my father asked her to. The end result was not only the destruction of my father's relationship with his oldest son, but also the sabotaging of the meeting, which appears to be keeping secret BOTH of my sister's aims to take advantage of my father in his old age.
I think similar manipulations have probably been happening to my younger brother - my sisters stirring up his past issues with my father and manipulating him into doing things and then blaming him for it.
In my book, its the manipulative instigators who are responsible far more so than the victims who react negatively.
My brother's think that my father will call for help when he realizes he's in trouble or if my sister treats him badly in Ohio, but he would not be able to do this, even if he did reach the point of wanting to. I just learned directly from that sister that he does not even have a phone that he knows how to use without her helping him with it. So, he can only do what SHE wants him to and call who she wants him to. (BOTH of my sisters are extremely controlling.) I actually doubt he'll even reach the point of realizing what they are doing or of wanting to get away from them, because he's been so severely brainwashed and manipulated into trusting only my sisters for too long. But I think he will quickly reach the point, if he hasn't already, of wanting to go back to his home.
I pray that things do not get any worse for him than they already are...and that they can get a LOT better. I hope he gains all the consideration, compassion and respect and freedoms in his life that EVERY elderly person needs and should have. I hope he is quickly returned home, where he wants to be and should be.
If my father truly has been "destroyed", like my sister said, the only ones who can be fairly blamed for most of it is BOTH of my sisters, because they truly have caused him more pain and discomfort and mental confusion and emotional pain than ALL of the rest of us put together and even far more than that. (And much of it was done intentionally and cruelly!) And if he TRULY is in that bad of a mental state, why on earth are they adding to his confusion by taking him away from his home, to an unfamiliar place, and trying to teach him how to use a new and confusing cell phone at a time like this?
Because of my sisters sabotages and cruel games and fabrications against me, and the way that they manipulated my other loved ones against me throughout most of my life, I do not feel safe in my family... I do not even feel safe being connected to parts of it from a distance, like I have been doing in the past decade.
Both of my brother's have realized SOME of what my second oldest sister is capable of, but they have continued to trust our oldest sister. They do not yet realize that BOTH of my sisters have always been a team in the manipulations and hateful vendettas against me and other family members. That team now also includes my second oldest sister's children, at least since around 2002.
Dare to Look No More
copyright Sharon R. Poet 1-14-23
Thats how they set it up
As they took control.
They threw away the heart
And ravaged every soul.
I dared to look and face
That dark and stormy place
One last confusing time
For what I did not find.
If only they could care,
But it is just not there.
Its time to close a door
And dare to look no more.
P.S. One of my brothers finally did end up sending me a number for the sister who has my father. But I do not know if it is the right one. I tried to switch our texting to it, but she kept it on the new cell phone she said she was setting up for my father. I tried to reach her heart and even offered to open up communications with her, on HER phone, if she brought Dad home and kept it to being only about him and his current situation, but she chose to attack me, instead and then the usual projecting her cruelty onto me. Nothing new there! IN the end I asked her to not continue attacking me and our brothers on our father's phone and to not subject him to it...and I told her yet another time, to leave me alone. Truth is; she used my worry for my father, to crash through my previously set boundaries and attack me. No more!
IN my dreams I am constructing a white wall. In my life I am also doing this. But I am still worried about my father, because of what they have done to him, what they are now doing to him, and because I do not know what else they are going to do to him after they carry out their secret plan, which appears to be to liquidate his assets so they can have all of his money at their fingertips. Will they shove him into a nursing home after they sell his home, even though he has said that he does not want that and that he wants to remain in his own home for the rest of his life? What will happen to him? Nobody has told me what the plan is. It appears that only my sister's know and that they are not sharing it with the rest of the family.
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Thursday, January 19, 2023; I Matter Too
In this last round of hell, that my sisters raised in my family, I felt like I was being sucked back into a dark hole where I was being clawed at from all directions, at a time when it was known that I'd be upset and scared for my father. My concern for him made me re-open doors that were not good for me.
Right now there is an intentional withholding of information and blocking me from contact with my father. Because nobody in the family has let me know what my sisters are planning to do with my father... I asked a minister, who knows my father, to call and find out how my father is and what the plan is for him, but my sister told him that its none of my business. It is my business, because he is my father too and I care about him and worry about him!
I am concerned that my family may use my upset, during this time, in order to continue the dark game of trying to prove me insane or shove me into it. So, I'm not only scared for my father, but also for myself.
In my family, too many have wanted to make me out to be "crazy" or "over-sensitive" or "evil", instead of looking at and altering their own hurtful behaviors. Some fabricate things to slander me, some project their own "cruel" and "evil" behaviors onto me, some exaggerate things just to upset me, some withhold important information just to keep me wondering and worried...etc. Its not right, especially at a time like this when they know that I was already overwhelmed with other difficulties in my life. And I do not want to be subjected to anymore of it.
Through the initial texting with my brothers about my father's situation; I was dealing with a new phone. I had not known that me sending a text to both of my brothers would turn it into a continued group text and this made things really confusing for me - I'd thought that one brother was writing what the other one had really written...etc. This is not because I'm crazy; it is because I was unfamiliar with the new texting format of the new phones and I had just gotten upsetting news and was overwhelmed even before that.
Many of my family members (if not all) are victims of the pharmaceutical and microwave mind control and it seems like I can not reach their hearts no matter how hard I try. Some seem completely enslaved and not who they used to be. And this is as sad for them as it is for me and my father. And I get microwaved too. Consequently the rounds of hell in my family are sometimes like being swept up in a hurricane where all I can do is pray that I will still be in one piece after it spits me back out. I imagine its like this in a lot of targeted families, especially for the primary targets like myself.
My blog just suddenly stopped sending copies of posts to my email account. So, my blog is being interfered with again too. Is it my sister doing this? Has she gotten into yet another one of my email accounts? And how? I don't know who or how, but I know its happening again, right after she raged against my blog writing....
P.S. The bog function did start working again the second time I posted this "I matter Too" post. The first one went up two days ago.
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January 24, 2023; Recap on Family Situation
Their should be laws against what my sisters have done to my father. The manipulations included the sabotaging of my father's relationships with his other children and having him sign things at times when he did not even know what he is signing, or what they have been doing, as they aimed for complete control of him and his estate in his old age.
My efforts to reach and help my father, inside the family, ended with me being verbally abused by my sister. Its been a long time since her last direct attack on me and I should never have opened the door for another one. I actually felt like I was being clawed at by both sides of the current family feud and this felt horrible. It definitely took its toll on me.
I feel certain that the brain function, in at least my brothers and father, has been being effected by microwave targeting. The discord my sisters have raised, in their aims to destroy my father's relationships and take over his estate, has been really abusive to him.
My heart aches for those of us who have been hurt by the manipulations and sabotages, especially for my father, because he is now an old man who has been being taken advantage of and has been severely hurt by the greed and hate and jealousy and manipulativeness in his two oldest children - my sisters, for a VERY long time now. I pray for him to be free of it and to be allowed to live out the rest of his life in peace and in the comfort of his own home. And I pray that, IF he truly needs and wants help, he will be returned to his home and provided with GENUINELY kind and considerate help there in his own home; a room can be offered in exchange for helping him. It will have to be someone from outside the family, in order to keep his environment peaceful and discord free. I'm sure there are a lot of kind people in the world who would be glad for the opportunity to live rent free for a few years. This is what should have been done to begin with - even if it was just a temp until a better fit could be found.
I pray for freedom to arrive for all of us. I pray for truth and justice to finally be served here in this whole situation. I pray for the microwave and pharmaceutical mind control to be stopped, because this is surely the core cause of how blocked so many hearts now are.
And I pray for safety for myself, because I know that ALL who can be manipulated, (especially those who have been put on the brain and feeling numbing pharmaceuticals and those who are severe victims of the microwave mind control) could unite and swing against me at any time. I should not have to deal with anymore of this. I matter too.
I hope that my family is not playing games with me and trying to upset me or push me over an edge so that they can find an excuse to call me insane and have me imprisoned in an institution. And I hope that my sisters are not hurting my father just to hurt me.
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January 26, 2023; "Dementia" or Microwaves or Parasites or Drugs?
I just heard that my sisters took my father to doctors in Ohio and that he was diagnosed with stage four dementia. This does not mean much to me, because I know that the microwave or drugging or parasite parts of the targeting are often covered up by the corrupt parts of our medical profession.
If he really does have dementia, stage 4 is not yet really bad and does not explain the "hallucination", according my research. But I doubt he does really have it. And even IF he does, I know its not a natural part of his aging and that it is not his only problem, because I know that he is a mind control victim. I am concerned that he will not get the proper kinds of help, since my sisters have placed themselves in control of what medical help he gets.
Oddly, they had him sign a medical power of attorney over to them, way back around the year 2006, when he was VERY healthy and even had a wife there for him, according to what my older brother told me. So, my sisters had a plan, way back then, to be in control of his future medical care. Why? This looks VERY suspicious to me, because there was absolutely no need for it. There still is no need for it. He has his own doctor whom he has had regular checkups with. And he always has been and still is VERY capable of making his own medical decisions. Why would my sisters want to be in control of what doctors he sees and what medical tests he gets? And why did they take him to Ohio to be evaluated, instead of doing it here near his home?
I do not trust my sisters or any doctors whom they use. I suspect that they may have played direct roles in drugging and brainwashing him and possibly infected him with something else through his food...and that they want to make sure it stays hidden...and that they had planned to do this to him (in his old age) a VERY long time ago - back when they got the power of attorney. Why else would anyone get a medical power of attorney over a VERY healthy person who has himself and many other people who can make medical decisions, like was the case back in 2006?
When I first heard of the medical power of attorney I figured that it was so that they could make him see a doctor of their choice - one that would advise institutionalizing him, so that they could get rid of him and say that they were just following doctors orders. And this may be all it is. Either way, its not good and not right.
I guess only time will tell, if it is allowed to tell the truth. May the truth be told.
A good and honest and uncontrolled doctor would say that the best thing for my father is to remain in the comfort of his own familiar home, and kind considerate help brought there to him (since he can afford it), and for his home environment to be made peaceful and stress free and for his diet to be changed to one that is known to help cure "dementia" and improve brain function...etc. And this is what should be being done for him. Its what ANY caring person would do for him. Its what I would do for him if I were not being targeted, if I had any say in the matter, and if he had not been manipulated into feeling uncomfortable with me and distrusting me.
I actually sent my father a healthy diet plan over two years ago. But after that my older sister started making meals for him so he has been eating mostly what she wanted him to eat through this time when it appears that his health started faltering. And I doubt that this is a coincidence. I think they want him to be ill at this point and this scares me, because both are capable of criminal behaviors, especially if they can get money or successful vengeance out of it.
P.S. In all fairness; I think that, at least to some degree, my sisters are also mind control victims who are not operating with a full deck, although it appears that they have joined the evil targeting program and are even served by it. Although my second oldest sister and her son look like the worse ones, in this situation and others; my oldest sister has proven to be the ring leader in drives against me and other people in other situations, and has been the greediest and most heartless and selfish one throughout ALL of the past. My brothers think she is not involved, but I strongly feel that she is. My sisters have always worked as a team; fueling each other's dark sides.
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January 29, 2023 I'm Not Giving Up on My Father
I have received no new info on my father. Its all really hushed in my family. I have looked for reassurance, but it is not being delivered. Nobody has even told me if my sister is really selling my father's home. So, that part of what I was initially told has not been confirmed. I did have a consoling fantasy (or possibly intuition) though; I fantasized that if my fathers step son is really buying his home...he may be letting my father keep it in the form of a life estate, so that he can still remain there for the rest of his life. In a way this could be good for him, because it would get the greedy ones off his back. They will only get his money and not his home. But this is hypothetical. There is no proof of it happening.
I've been having a hard time sleeping. I keep trying to put my father's situation out of my mind, but I can't, even though it seems like there is nothing else I can do to help him. I keep sensing my father feeling too alone and unloved and my heart is aching for him so much that I can hardly stand it at times. Due to my sister's manipulations, and the outcome of them in the past year; it appears that my father thinks that my older brother hates him and my older brother thinks that our father does not care about him. My sisters have a life long habit of manipulating situations, in order to make other family members feel unloved by each other. (See the separate post above this one for more info on this.)
After my sister attacked me on the new cell phone that she set up for my father I sent him nothing, because its a phone that she is in charge of and I do not want more of her abuse and I doubt that she'll let my messages reach him, especially since she told me that she is cutting me off from communication with him, due to me writing about this on the web. But my father is not aware of her abuse and what she does to me. And I doubt that he is aware of her blocking me from reaching him. So, he probably just thinks that I have abandoned him and do not care about him. And I'm sure that BOTH of my sisters want him to feel that way.
So I've decided to send him my love anyway, because I do not want to go along with her completely manipulating me out of my father's life, which is actually not a new thing; BOTH of my sisters have been actively doing this for a VERY LONG time now, in multiple ways. Yesterday I sent my father an "I love you..." on that cell phone. And there was no response. I doubt she let him get it. Today I sent another "I love you..." text. Will she let him get it? I doubt it. Perhaps she would let me reach him if I stopped writing about this on the web, because she told me that she was cutting me off from him due to me writing about what she is doing on the web. But I do NOT take kindly to blackmail, if that is what she is doing. I am NOT going to erase what I've written about this, because it seems to be the only thing I can do for my father right now; I am standing up in hopes that it will stop my sisters from continuing to hurt him or possibly steal from him the money that he may need to survive on for the rest of his life. In the deep past I was way too silent and they got away with way too much. I'll not be silent anymore, because I know it only makes things worse!
ITS THE SILENCE THAT ENABLES CRIMES AND ABUSES TO SUCCEED OR CONTINUE.
I have repeatedly wanted to run fast in the opposite direction, because this is all too overwhelming for me and I keep feeling like I just can't take anymore. But I can't let go, because my father has been being hurt and I feel that he still is being hurt, emotionally and mentally. And he has been taken from his own home and is with my sister who has gained complete control of his phone and mail and will not let me contact him...and her behaviors in the past have been covertly abusive and cruel to my father. I JUST CAN'T ACCEPT THIS AND NOT WORRY ABOUT HIM. ITS ALL JUST TOO WRONG!!!! She is a person who is capable of severe cruelty. And she projects her behaviors onto me and sometimes even pretends to be me and pretends that I am her... and this is partly how she fools my father into trusting her and not me. And my other sister's behaviors are not much better! I am really scared for my father.
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January 30, 2023; The day before yesterday I sent an email to all my siblings and asked my sisters to let us all know what their plans are for our father...etc. But there has been no response.
February 21, 2023; On February 11th My oldest sister sent a cover-up email, pretending that all is fine and that she is informing us and that its OK for the rest of us to go visit or contact our 90 year old ill father. But all is not Ok. They SAY its OK, but they manipulate things to make it NOT OK...
They sent an email to the whole family, from my sister's household where my father is, which cruelly attacked my older brother, his wife and I. In it they did the usual stabbing of our old wounds and littered it with masses of blatant lies and obvious aims to try to cause trouble for my brother and his wife. Its a nasty sick attack that was clearly to make me look bad to others and upset and hurt three of us and make us feel VERY unwelcome at the house where my father is being kept... all while still CLAIMING that we are welcome to call or visit our father. Its VERY twisted.After they sent the mean and dishonest and hateful email...my sister said and did things to make him blame me for what she did and then called me to have him leave a message on my phone where he tells me to stop "lieing." I truly am not the one who was lieing. This is VERY typical of her behaviors, but its shocking that she still used him this way now that he is 90 years old and ill. But this shows the level of consideration she has for him in her aims to abuse me and destroy my relationship with him. Most people would not have upset and involved an ill 90 year old man like that. But she even did it again a couple days ago...
I had told this sister to not contact me again. Then she disregarded my boundary and VERY OBVIOUSLY said or did things to upset my father again (far worse this time) and then called me to have him angrily lace into me. (This was left in voice message, like the other one.) At one point in this call she interrupted him - pouring on her fake voice - pretending that she is sweetly just wanting him to let me know that he is OK. Then he obeyed and said he was OK. Then she told him to continue and then he obeyed and continued berating me... telling me to stop being "hateful" and "mean" to my sisters...etc. I texted her and told her to stop using him and get herself some help and stop projecting her own behaviors onto me... Then she sent me a text where she said. "I am doing nothing but letting an old man call his daughter and tell her he loves her. I guess you just don't wanna hear it." Blatant mental abuse!
Vivian's mental abuse games and the process of her projecting her "hateful" and "lieing" and "greedy" and "mean" behaviors onto me...and even using my father (as if he were a worthless puppet) to do it for her, is not a new scenario for me. (It happened on a severe scale around 2003 and more mildly through all of our lives.) But it is just too wrong for her to be upsetting and using our father while he is ill and needing the complete opposite. Its actually cruel to him...and it also prevents him from having positive communication with me. (I can't even do any damage control now that he is living with her, because I am sure she wont let him get messages from me.)
Both of my sisters know that I am not the one who is "lieing" and that I was not the one who is in a place of "hate" in the recent family emails or at any other time in the past. (The fact that I never would join THEIR "hate" crap is actually one of the reasons why they used to snidely call me, "little miss perfect.") This is all just the usual - them pretending that I am the bad guy - that I am the one who is doing to them what THEY TRULY have done to me throughout my life and are still doing. So, I closed the door. It is VERY common for abusers to call their victims, , "liars" and "insane" and "Hateful," when the victims stand up with the truth...although they themselves are the ones who perform these behaviors. But I think it is not common for them to carelessly use ill and elderly relatives to do it for them.
IN THIS FINAL STAGE OF MY FATHER'S LIFE EVERYTHING SHOULD BE JUST ABOUT THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IT NOW IS. HE IS TRAPPED IN HELL AND DOES NOT EVEN KNOW IT.
He should be surrounded by the love of ALL of his children, in his own home where he wanted to be for the rest of his life... but the most heartless of his children are depriving him of the most caring ones... and are even using him to help abuse one of them - the one who is standing up for him with the truth. Its sad as hell.
I wrote the following statements in a letter to my sisters, but am sharing it here instead of sending it, because I do not want to re-open that door, which I had to close for the sake of my own sanity. Since those two phone messages he is now again just an extension of her abuse - her sick game of pretending that I am the one who is "hateful", "mean", "lieing" and "insane." He is now doing the same type of thing that she set him up to do in 2003 and 2004 after she fabricate emails from my account - berating me and blaming me for what SHE did to me...its just too cruel and hurtful. I can't take anymore. I feel like I just finished losing my father one final time. I am seriously considering changing my phone number again.
For my sisters,
WILL BE SILENT NO MORE!
For my sisters,
NOTHING that you upset Dad with, and make him say to me, has any impact on my trust in myself and my awareness of my feelings and my awareness of my motives or my conviction to stand up against your manipulative abuse and what you are doing to Dad at a time when he is ill and 90 years old. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! YOU CAN NOT MAKE ME RELAPS INTO SILENCE, THROUGH YOU CARELESSLY USING DAD TO PROJECT YOUR "hateful" "lieing" BEHAVIORS ONTO ME! IT JUST GIVES ME SOMETHING ELSE TO STAND UP WITH. In fact, every time you do more manipulations and more of the abuse it actually strengthens my conviction to stand up against it. I
WILL BE SILENT NO MORE!
The attacking email is here...
There is more info on this in other recent blog posts as well.
3-21-2023; Today I got a short letter, which my sister appears to have had my father write to me. In the beginning he wrote "Sharon !!!" - my name with three exclamation points, which is not my father's style at all - but is my sister's style. In the letter he tells me that my sister is wonderfully helpful to him and that I should be "thankful"...etc.
Its shocking that he can not see that ALL of his current upset at me is 100% only due to things that my sister is saying to him, in her usual efforts to upset him and turn him against me. I have no doubt that she is either showing him misleading PARTS of things I have written and/or is fully fabricating things again, just to hurt him and turn him against me. I have had no disputes with him and have not even had any conversations with him since a month or two before the last big round of sabotaging that my sisters did in May of 2022, in their aim to stop the family meeting, that my older brother had setup, and get my brother and I out of our father's life.
My sister's behaviors toward our father are actually like the sadistic/psychopathic type perpetrator; fabricating things and instigating disputes and destroying the victims other relationships - manipulating the victim into a pain filled isolation... and then being the one to zoom in to help the victim who has been so traumatized that he now see's the perpetrator as the savior. This is exactly what my sisters have done to our father through the past two decades and severely in the past year and more.
And so its no surprise that he now thinks she is "wonderful." He has been brainwashed and is unable to see the truth. I will be "thankful" when my father is safe and free of the darkness that surrounds him; when he is free to follow his own instincts and heart instead of my sister's hateful drives against him and others... when he is free to make his own choices, instead of being crushed and used in his two oldest daughter's heartless and greedy plans for him... when he is free to share his heart with his two hurting sons and resolve his issues with them, instead of letting his two oldest daughters continue to manipulate them out of his life... when he is free enough to not let my sister's turn him against me or use him to lash out at me - when he is safe enough to stop being hurt and used by my sisters...
I WILL BE HAPPY FOR MY FATHER WHEN HE HAS GENUINELY KIND AND CONSIDERATE AND NEUTRAL TYPES OF HELP, IN THE COMFORT OF HIS OWN HOME, SO THAT ALL OF HIS CHILDREN CAN PEACEFULLY VISIT HIM WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS ARRISING, BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT WOULD BE BEST FOR HIM IN THIS FINAL STAGE OF HIS LIFE - WHEN THINGS SHOULD BE BENG MENDED, INSTEAD OF BEING MADE WORSE.
That my father can not see how my sisters are saying things to upset him and make him lash out at me, is actually shocking, even if he has completely forgotten how hatefully jealous of me they always were...and even if he has forgotten the type of person he used to know I am. Most people would at least be objective enough to listen to the other side of a dispute between siblings, before passing judgement, but when it comes to this situation with my sisters and I, he now does the complete opposite, just like he did in 2003 when they fabricated emails against me - he just blindly believes them and lashes out at me.
In the letter my father says that he "still" loves me. (The "still" means after all the horrible things my sister's have convinced him that I have just recently done, which I have really not done.) Since he is again joining my sister's hateful drives against me, I can not feel loved by him at all. He does not even have enough love/consideration for me to take an objective stand with me as my sisters bash me and turn him against me yet another time. He just joins them and lashes out at me - blaming me for what THEY do! This last round of this is like a knife being twisted in an old unhealed wound, causing even more injury to me. My little inner child just wants to cry, for the gross lack of love, and obvious lack of consideration and trust, that my father has for me. I do not feel loved by him - due to his behaviors toward me, I feel like he VERY unjustly dislikes me A LOT.
In my mind I know his blocked heart is due to my sister's manipulations and fabrications and other parts of the targeting, but in my heart my little inner kid just wants to cry, because she never did feel loved enough by him... and his joining my sister's hate against me AGAIN...is proof of the lack of love. Love does not do what he has been doing to me - real love is at least considerate enough to objectively ask questions and listen to the other side of the story. And he has not done this with me - he just blindly believes them and will not believe anything I say in my defense, since the fabricated emails and my sister's other cruel games in 2003. I can not even defend myself right now, because my sister controls all communications with him, but I do not think he would believe me even if I could.
However, my love for him is still strong and I can easily forgive him because I know that he has been severely wounded and brainwashed. What my sisters manipulate our father into doing to me is so unjust and cruel to me that it defies proper description, but its even more cruel to my father. That they still upset/hurt him and use him, in his fragile old age, just to hurt me, is a severe form of mental/emotional abuse against him. It deeply hurts BOTH of us.
In the letter my father says that he will be "back home as soon as possible." But I do not know if this means for a visit or permanently. (And it was ALWAYS "possible" for him to stay in his own home, even though my sisters now pretend it wasn't.) In the cover-up letter that my oldest sister sent to the family, over a month AFTER they silently implemented their secret plan for our father... she had said that they would bring him back to New Hampshire "for a period of time" next summer, (as she pretended that it was now suddenly OK for us to visit him), which indicated that the move is permanent and that the return to NH would only be for a visit. So, I guess only time will tell if they cancel their plans and return him to his own home permanently... and finally do right by him and his relationships with his other loved ones, even if its just to save face. Time will tell.
Due to the severity of the long standing discord between my sisters and the rest of us siblings in my family; it has been repeatedly suggested for a kind and considerate, neutral person, from outside the family, to be brought in to rent a room in my father's home in exchange for helping him...etc. And this is what should be happening so that my father can be at peace and so that ALL of his children and other loved ones can visit and help him without him or anyone else being distressed by my sister's...etc. This is actually the only right thing for him, and the WHOLE family in this situation, and I pray that it happens for the sake of his own health and wellbeing, because in this final stage of his life... he should have the opposite of what he has right now; he should be mending his relationships with his other loved ones and NOT be in a situation that keeps them severed or makes them worse - he should have peace and NOT be intentionally hurt and used and isolated by my sisters anymore - he should have genuinely kind and caring and considerate and NEUTRAL help in his own home so that ALL of his children's hearts can PEACEFULLY visit him throughout this final stage of his life...so that he can cross-over in peace when his time in this life is over. This is the way it should be.
P.S. In my vision; my second oldest sister (and her daughter and other supporters) is like a rabid guard dog keeping genuine care away from our father while she hurts him and manipulates/molds him into what she wants him to be. And sadly, this is an accurate symbology of this situation, which is not good for anyone, including my sisters. It should be stopped and things set right. In my vision; my father is hunched over in a chair and sobbing uncontrollably - he is in a lot of emotional pain, due to what they are doing to him and his relationships with his other loved ones. My father has already suffered too much and he should not be hurt anymore and he should be in a safe and peaceful and neutral place where is not being emotionally/mentally abused. There are just no if ands or buts about it.
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