Old Painful Issues Raised by Hate and Greed

(This is a revised version of what I'd posted yesterday)

This is a take-off from my previous post, because I was just proven partially wrong about something I'd blamed only my sister for. And this is also a public response to an email from my sister and her daughter...

My sister just sent another extremely dishonest and mentally abusive email through her daughter and her daughter's email account. She seems to think that she can project her greed and hate onto me and dishonestly twist everything around and rewrite history, in order to cover her own wrongs and make me the bad guy. (Nothing new here.)
   But with the email she also sent a letter that my father appears to have written in 2007. I do not trust anything that comes through her, but this letter appears authentic. The primary issue, that my sister had raised between my father and I, in her fabricated emails in 2002/2003, came to a head in the 2006/2007 winter when I confronted him. So, my father was really upset with me, at that time, because it was right after we had our first and only argument.
   In this letter my father vengefully cuts me out of his will and lies - says that I accused the whole family of something. The truth is that I only accused him, and it was not a false "accusation" - it was a confrontation. It appears that my father lied in order to make my siblings not want me to return to the family, because what I confronted him with was something that he wanted to keep hidden so badly that he'd and my sister even aimed to destroy my sanity, in order to accomplish it. It appears that my father was more dishonest than I'd previously thought. (I now realize that this is probably where my sister got the habit of lying to cover up her own wrong doings, instead of owning them and resolving issues and making things better instead of worse....and of manipulatively pitting other people against her target.)
So it appears that it was not my sister and was my father who first claimed that I had accused the whole family and not just him. However, the fact that the old issue, from almost two decades ago, was being re-raised by my sister (or both sisters) in 2015 and 2021, in order to manipulate our father and keep me cut out of his will AFTER my father and I had re-connected and found forgiveness, is indisputable. I KNOW that my father would not have done that on his own in 2015, and especially not in 2021, because we had BOTH forgiven each other and had let it go long before then.
   THIS RECENT RESSURECTION OF THE OLD ISSUE WAS SURELY MY SISTER'S DOING. SO, EVEN IF HE WROTE THE 2007 LETTER SHE SENT ME, OF HIS OWN FREE WILL, AND WITHOUT HIS UPSET BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY EITHER OF MY SISTERS, IT HAS NO LEG TO STAND ON NOW, NOT SINCE MY FATHER AND I FORGAVE EACH OTHER AND PUT THIS ISSUE BEHIND US. So, I STILL HOLD MY SISTER RESPONSIBLE BECAUSE SHE IS RESPONSIBLE, NOT ONLY FOR RESSURRECTING AN OLD ISSUE THAT WAS TOO PAINFUL FOR BOTH MY FATHER AND I, BUT ALSO FOR RAISING IT BETWEEN MY FATHER AND I TO BEGIN WITH. (My sister is the one who actually created the problem between my father and I, with her 2002/2003 fabricated email scheme.) And she should never have resurrected it in the past decade, for everyone's sake, especially my father's. What they did to upset him with their hate and greed in his final years is utterly despicable, and its their cross to bear not my father's and not mine. Period.

I believe in getting to the root of a problem rather than just blaming or treating the symptoms or reactions to it. Regardless of the symptoms; Vivian created the root of the problem between my father and I, with fabricated emails in the winter of 2002/2003. And she (and possibly others) are also responsible for resurrecting it long AFTER my father and I had found a place of forgiveness. So, my father's 2007 letter, does NOT absolve her of what she is responsible for. It just let me know that my father lied too, possibly first, and that he and Vivian's shadow sides were more alike than I'd previously realized. 

Vivian's/Jennifer's email was also VERY obviously designed to upset me and make me fear for my safety and freedom. Aside from it sharing the 2007 letter, it also shared the usual fabrications and aimed to fuel my fear of my family institutionalizing me. It actually put on "helpful" pretenses as it tries to build a case against my sanity, using my poverty/homelessness and my belief in microwave targeting, and my reporting their abuse to the FBI and law enforcement, as proof of insanity. Their case is extremely weak, to say the least, because it dishonestly twists things around and leaves out important and provable facts. They can not save face through trying to prove their "insane" lie true.
   They actually have the audacity to now pretend that being poor and homeless is proof of insanity, even though THEY- my own family has intentionally deprived me, in order to keep me trapped in poverty, for over a decade now! How much sense does that make? In the email they also pretend they have always just wanted to help me, but there is a lot of proof of them doing the complete opposite throughout the past as well as right now. When they first started the hateful "insane" game against me, I was not homeless and I knew nothing about microwave targeting and I was already in counseling and they ALL knew it. So their pretenses and dishonesty are VERY obvious to everyone who knows the full and factual history since 2002. They know the truth too - my sister and niece are just playing an evil game. The hate in Vivian and her daughter, and their dark manipulations of others, is VERY evident in many places. And the bottom line is that, any decent people, who genuinely thought their loved one was insane, would do the complete opposite of what my family has done to me for over two decades. No ifs ands or buts about it.

No matter what they do or say, to try to justify their dishonest and hateful and abusive and thieving ways, or to try to hide their own wrong doings, they can not justify or hide them anymore. I stand strong; I now trust my own sanity and the wise psychologist who told me to stay away from Vivian after she talked to her and realized that she is the one who has the problem. I don't know who Vivian/Jennifer are trying to fool with that email, but they sure can't fool me anymore. I know the truth now.

The truth is still the same, no matter how many lies
 and pretenses they try to change it with.

This last deceitful and mentally abusive email was sent just before a round of my younger brother texting me and intensely trying to coerce me into meeting with him. He said he'd only give me a copy of my father's will if I met with him in person...etc. I didn't bite the hook, even though I did not read the email until the next day, because I'd had a dream that warned me of both of my brothers zooming in to open a door for my ill intending sisters to get to me.

ITS A VERY DIFFICULT THING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH - A FAMILY THAT IS TOO HORRIBLY DISHONEST AND MENTALLY ABUSIVE AND HATEFUL AND VENGEFUL TO BE SAFE. BUT THEN, I REALLY DO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT...

Last night, after uploading my first version of this post, I sent my family the following email; "To my family, I am taking some needed time to myself, until further notice. So, please only contact me through snail mail IF IT IS SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT and non-abusive."

P.S. I actually did not even really want to see my father's trust/will, especially if I am not in it. I had sent my family emails, asking my sisters to share my father's will and their plans for his estate, primarily because I intuitively knew they had more stabbings coming and I wanted to get it over with as fast as possible, so that I could put it all behind me. I was right. And now that part is over. I didn't really want my share of the inheritance either, but I do need the financial help, in order to get back onto my own feet and take better care of myself. And I did not want to refuse the inheritance, no matter what they stabbed me with, in order to try to make me slam the door and give it up, because that would have enabled their theft. So, my stand is still cast in stone - if they deprive me, in order to feed their greed and hate, its their choice, not mine. But still, I am not expecting anything.

The Trouble With Fabrications and Blocked Hearts

One part of the directive, which I believe my sister dishonestly wrote, said that I'd told my father that I did not want to be a part of the family or anyone associated with it. And it also implies that I had accused some of my siblings of something, which is not true. Just two words - "and others," in the directive appears to have stirred up a lot of trouble against me since my younger brother secretly read it a few years ago. After he read the will he started bringing up all the wrongs I'd done in my childhood and life, and even adding to them, literally every time we spoke. We have not spoken much because of this. I had to keep slamming walls up against the discord.
   Through that time I had foolishly assumed that my father may have given me too much in his will, in efforts to try to compensate for what he and the family have done to me, and that this is why my brother was so upset with me. Now I realize that it was actually the complete opposite, it was yet another round of my sister's dishonest hate that triggered even more hate against me, in dishonest statements that were actually being used as an excuse to take me out of my father's will.
   I find it disturbing that my brother lashed out at me, instead of talking to me about it, and that my sisters used my father's death as yet another opportunity to hurt me and turn my brothers against me. This scenario is nothing knew, at all, but they should have refrain from such behaviors at time like this, instead of vamping them up. If only my sisters were not so dishonest and manipulative and so hatefully wanting to cause trouble between me and other family members. But they have been this way for as long as I can remember. And I now realize that I'd be a fool to expect it to be any other way.

The trouble with fabrications is that many people tend to blindly believe them, instead of questioning them.

And the trouble with blocked hearts is that they tend to lash out, when confronted, instead of calmly talking it out or looking in the mirror.

Unfortunately we all have blocked hearts, to some degree, thanks to the societal suppression of feelings, and the numbing pharmaceuticals, and the street drugs (including marijuana), and certain frequencies of radio waves...etc. A LOT of freedom and positive change is needed in my family and in our whole world. If only we were all free.

Another Computer Infiltration

I wrote a few emails to my siblings, as I processed the slam my sisters sent in the directive. And parts of those emails appear to have been altered in my computer. Below is one example of this. Its amazing how the erasing of just two words or a period can completely alter the meaning of a sentence or paragraph. The period and the "I" were erased in this one....

"I am totally sure that the "and others in the family" part of this directive is just yet another one of Vivians manipulative hurtful and troublemaking schemes. I have NEVER said anything to anyone about any sort of ..." 

Have my sisters infiltrated my computers through me opening emails they sent or inn some other way? In more than one place, my saying that "I can picture my father writing part of this", has been turned into statements that make it look like I was saying that I can picture him writing the whole thing and not just parts of it. I'm sure there is more, but I've not combed through all the emails. Its just too discouraging. I'm letting it go with this statement.

Facing a Painful Reality

Some people throw their loved ones up on an undeserved pedestal after they die, and some people face reality. I'm a reality person.

In this situation with my father’s death, and my homeless plight being used, in order to try to finish destroying my sanity, my spirituality, my intuition and my heart, is very painful and is an impossible pill to swallow, literally. (No pun intended.)
   Getting this blow from my father's grave is really hard. And I know that my sister is not 100% to blame. She is the primary culprit in the mentally abusive and depriving directive, as well as in the past issue between my father and I - issues that have existed since she fabricated emails against him from my account in the 2002/2003 winter. But my father had made his own mistakes too - between then and 2013 he had been engaging in the mental abuse against me, just as much as my sister had. And this had been a massive source of pain for me. I thought I'd cried it all out, in 2004 and in the 2006/2007 winter. But I am now experiencing another round of it, because it is again being done to me now.

I actually never had a lot of respect for my father, because I had always noticed the ways that he'd try to make his wife or children jealous, and the ways that he'd put down my wisdom and then repeat it as if it were his own...etc. (I was hurt a lot, by my father's aims to fuel my sister’s jealousy of me, through going way overboard with praising me in front of them.) He was often like a foolish child, to me. And was never much of a parental figure to me. But I deeply loved him, anyway. And it hurts that he never fully returned my love. I know that he loved me as much as he could. Long ago, I had accepted the fact that he was not capable of loving me as much as I had needed him to. But he should never have been actually aiming to hurt me, no matter what my sister wrote in those emails and no matter what his issues were. It just was not fair to me.
   Because my sister has been using and hurting my father, in order to hurt me and sabotage my relationship with my father, since at least 2002, I have mainly and justly blamed her. Even now (in recent years) I am certain that she is the one who is re-raising the old issue, which she'd previously raised between my father and I, in order to hurt and deprive me. But my father made his own mistakes too and they are now pushing their way into the foreground. I had loved my father unconditionally, no matter what he had done to me, but he did not even come close to feeling the same way about me. And this is the painful reality I am now facing. Even though he most likely did not even know what my sister was doing with the directive in 2021, in the deeper past he had gone along with her hateful drive against me in a VERY destructive and painful way...

I wish my father had at least loved me

enough to not want to hurt me.

More on the "Insane" Game

The "Insane" Game

copyright 2-5-2024 Sharon Rose Poet

They were lead by greedy hate

And him, by a heartless shame,

In that cruel and careless place

Where they call me "insane."

And too many blind others

Followed their sick game.

The "Insane" Judgements

copyright 2-5-2024 Sharon Rose Poet

"She's poor and lives in a car"

And so "must be insane."

She refused the "treatment"

In her family's evil game.

"She is not important enough"

"She's Just a begger who's lazy"

"Something is wrong with her" -

"She must be totally crazy!"

They all ignored her lupus

They all refrained from care

They all embraced a darkness

That shouldn't even be there.

A Painful Reminder Rose Out of My Father's Grave

My sister sent me "directive" that she says my father wrote. The part that was about me, brought up an old issue that was between my father and I since my sister's fabricated emails and then later me realizing it and confronting him in the 2006/2007 winter. It was surrounded by dishonest statements about things I supposedly said to him at that time. After this, the directive says that I'm not allowed to get my inheritance unless I return to the family and get "treatment" for the "illness" that he and my sisters had proclaimed I have in 2003, after my sister's fabricated emails from my account, about him. If I do these things, what I get, or if I get anything is left up to my sisters.

 
THIS IS YET ANOTHER ROUND OF TRYING TO FORCE ME INTO BEING IMPRISONED IN AN INSTITUTION WHERE IT IS ALMOST A GUARANTEE THAT PSYCHOTROPIC DRUGS AND SHOCK TREATMENTS WOULD DESTROY ME SPIRTUALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY. My father and sisters have always known that I HAD seen a psychologist - that I HAVE been in counseling, so this is NOT about me getting help and IS about hurting me and silencing me and destroying my sanity. This is definitely part of the evil targeting.

 
  I have been trying to figure out how much of this was by father's doing and how much was my sisters doing. And I have come to the conclusion that it was a heavy dose of both - that my sister used an issue, that existed between my father and I, to torment him and abuse and deprive me or have me institutionalized right after my father's death. I never expected an inheritance; I felt that even if my father had me in his will, my sisters would probably see to it that I got nothing. But the directive is a VERY painful blow to me. Even if my sister initially wrote it or pushed him to write it, the fact that my father had been trying to have me institutionalized, even though he KNEW I had already gone into counseling to get help with healing from my difficult childhood, is still a VERY painful reality, that I have been faced with since 2002. The pain, of knowing that my own father cared about me so little that he would have me thought to be insane and imprisoned cut me to the core in 2004 - when I realized why, and I guess I didn't totally cry it all out during my healing sessions in 2004 and 2007, because it still hurts a lot now.
   Its just like my sister to want to deeply stab me at a time when I am already hurting - right after my father's death. She did this to both my father and I right after my youngest brother's death, through fabricating emails against him, from my email account. The cruelty is shocking. It shouldn't shock me anymore, but it still does. But it is more than just her. Its been my whole family either going along with it, or being deceived and pulled along by it.

I loved my father and I forgave him, even though he'd made some grave mistakes and never was much of a father to me. And finding out that his "love" and "forgiveness"," in the past decade, was only empty and dishonest words, hurts a lot. Its easy to blame my sisters, because their jealous hate did not want him to even care about me, and had fueled and used the old issue (between my father and I) to hurt both of us. But it was him too. And its time for e to face the full scope of this. This has been VERY difficult for me, because its not been just a painful lack of love for me, in my family, its been an evil drive to hurt me and deprive me and destroy my sanity. My own father wanting to destroy my sanity, in order to hide his little mistake. It hurts like hell.

My father had refused to help me, financially, after I was shoved into poverty by covert targeting that even stole my bank account, unless I checked myself into an institution. He and my whole family knows that I do not do drugs and that I do not drink alcohol and that I am not suicidal and that I do not harm people and that I HAVE been in counseling - (counceling that my father had initially actually tried to stop me from continuing!) But still, no help to get back onto my own feet, unless I get institutionalized. To most people this makes no sense at all, because most families would actually do the complete opposite; if a family member was really thought to be mentally ill they would help them even more, because of it, not less. It makes no sense, because its part of the evil targeting and the aim is to hurt me and silence me and destroy my sanity under the guise of "help" in a place that uses electric shock "treatements" to wipe out people's memories and psychiatric pharmaceuticals to block their spirituality and hearts and make them more manipulatable/brainwashable. Did my own father want to destroy me this way, in order to cover up the "issue"? It appears so.

This has been the most painful thing I've ever had to face! But I believe it even more now, because of what I recently saw in a vision. I saw a shocking darkness in my father and uncle. And I think it has probably always been there, because my father used to deprive me, and intentionally fuel my sister's jealousy of me...etc., when I was a child as well as in my adult life. Perhaps this is where my sister got the sneeky manipulative hurtful stuff from. Me being the complete opposite - having a lot of heart, made me their target in MANY subtle ways, but in some very obvious ones too. What is happening now, with the directive, is very obvious.


This is part of a statement I wrote for my siblings...

Well... I've covered both sides of this. As I processed it I went back and forth - was it Dad or was it Vivian (and probably Evelyn too) who wrote the directive? And I have come to the conclusion that it was definitly both. Below are the bare facts...

1. The "directive" was written in 1015 and revised in the fall of 2021. Around 2015 Vivian had found out that I was connecting with Dad and was on a rampage against me and was trying to reset a wall between Dad and I. This was when I had my last conversation with her. In that conversation she had said, "Stay out of New Boston" before she viciously spit out "You are evil and I am going to protect my father from you." I hung up on her.
    And the late summer and fall of 2021 appears to be when Vivian and Evelyn found out that I was talking to both Gerry and Dad and was setting Dad up with a diet plan...etc. It was after this that they also reconnected with Gerry, started the family emails and appear to have even set Dad up with a new TV and phone that he and his communications could be monitored through. There is not a doubt in my mind that my sisters either reraised 'the issue' with Dad or had him sign that revised directive without him knowing what he was signing. If they had reraised it with him I think it would have been evident in my conversations with him. One of my best conversations with Dad was AFTER the date of the 2021 revision. Was he that two faced? I'm not sure.

2. I doubt that Dad would have wanted this issue being exposed in the family when he died. That I know of, nobody but Vivian knew about it until right after Gerry had set up the family meeting for Dad in 2022. That was when Mike said to me, "Vivian told me that you accused Dad of sexual abuse." Then I addressed it with my siblings, and shouldered the blame. Point being, that was not until 2022 - several months AFTER the directive was revised.

3. It is possible that, in 2021, Dad feared me telling the family after he'd died, if Vivian or Evelyn raised the issue with him again. But I have a hard time believing that Dad wrote some of the dishonest parts of the directive, especially in 2021 when he knew that I WAS already reconnected with the family (him and my brothers) for many years.

I'm sure my sisters expected me to say that I don't want any of the inheritance anyway. I'm not doing that, because I refuse to let greed and jealous hate freely have what it wants to deprive me of. I am making this I firm stand... I WILL NOT GET THE DESTRUCTIVE "TREATEMENT." AND I WILL NOT GET CLOSER TO A FAMILY THAT HURTS ME TOO MUCH AND DISTRUSTS MY SANITY TOO MUCH FOR IT TO BE A HEALTHY OR SAFE PLACE FOR ME. I WILL NOT AGREE TO ANY MANIPULATIVE AND DECIETFUL PLAN MY SISTERS MAY HAVE CONCOCTED, IN ORDER TO HAVE CONTROL OVER MY LIFE AND HURT ME EVEN MORE THAN THEY ALREADY HAVE. AND I WILL NOT ERASE ANY OF MY WRITINGS, IN ORDER TO GET MY INHERITANCE. I WANT MY FULL FAIR SHARE OF THE MONETARY PART OF OUR INHERITANCE TO BE DELIVERED UNCONDITIONALLY.

Whether or not I am allowed to get my fair share of the inheritance is up to my sisters, but its also up to my brothers to go along with them or not. I think we all know how this is going to go. But by making this stand - I can know that I didn't help my sisters to hurt or deprive me...

If there is a sneeky plan to pretend to "help" me, through allowing me to stay in Dad's house or the cabin in Maine, where the neighbors can harass me and my sisters can moniter me or set me up to be hauled off to an institution, THIS IS NOT GOING TO SUCCEED, BECAUSE I WILL NOT GO. PERIOD. (I had a dream warning of this.)

I do not feel comfortable or safe being too close to the family and this is not going to change in the near future, because of my state of overwhelm and the proven levels ill intentions that have and still do exist toward me there. Even just being as close as I have been worries me. One current concern is due to a dream, which warned me about my words being changed in an evil aim to hurt me. Since then I've learned that digital voice recordings can be altered, in order to make it look like a person has said things they didn't say or like a conversation was different from what it really was. I hope my sisters have not been having Mike or anyone else do recordings of my conversations, for this purpose. Mike has recently been VERY pushy about trying to force me to call him, instead of doing text or email just for important things, like I have repeatedly requested. (Unfortunately I bit the hook once in the past year, just a few days ago. I need this to stop.
   There is just too much hate and deceit and ill intentions and sneaky manipulativeness and dishonesty in the family, for me to feel safe or comfortable being too close to it. But I love you all and I still pray for positive change.

You ALL know that I am homeless and that I deeply need enough financial help, in order to get back onto MY OWN feet and get MY OWN home in a place where there is at least a chance for me to be and feel safe. Is my family going to continue intentionally depriving me of this financial help? A bit of time will tell. But I am not expecting anything.