Under the Guise of "Help"

 Evil often operates under the guise of “help," but it’s the type of “help” that serves their goals, not the type that the victim needs for safety and independence.

Another Round of Hell in my Family (2)

I have taken down the previous post, because I wrote it while I was really upset and still processing things. Here is a better version of it…

I recently had a dream that warned me of a person, who is involved in the targeting and the dark side of spirituality, setting me up to be blamed for something… and a dream that portrayed a dark sister, who pretends to be good but has bad intentions, aiming to give me something… and a dream warning me of a woman, who had been pushing to be my friend and was in a relationship with my older brother, being jealous of me… and a dream about a man I’m close to being abusive.
  Shortly after these dreams things happened, which make it look like most of them were about my older brother’s wife, and about my brother blindsiding me with an abusive attack, after I’d sent them a VERY kind “Hope for the Future” email, which set a considerate boundary with his wife.
  I thank God that this conversation was in writing, because if it had not been, its akin to those that have made me seriously question my sanity. It clearly shows the usual verbal and mental abuse and meanness and false accusations and outrageous assumptions and the projection of all those things onto me. Not to mention them pretending his wife is the one who is the victim, and fabricated things and denials that are added in just to make me out to be the bad one, the wrong one, the insane one. They pretend that his wife has been nothing but helpful and caring to me and that there is no real reason for me to have set a boundary with her. It’s a good example of the confusing crazy-making type of stuff that the worse perpetrators, (or their drugged mind control victims) do to heavily targeted people like me.

My family has always been a bit more dysfunctional than the average, but it had never been nearly this bad, until the targeting vamped up into severe levels. This is surely mostly the result of the mind control part of the targeting, on my brother’s part. As for his wife; I am now doubting that this excuse can be justly given to his her, because she has displayed some behaviors that mimic the truly evil perpetrators and their puppets.

It appears that, in heavily targeted families, some members are recruited into the evil occult and used in the targeting, (like appears to have happened with my sisters, especially the second oldest one.) and some family members are married off to occult operatives who pretend to be good (like what appears to have happened to my youngest brother and now possibly my oldest brother.) And some members become unaware mind control victims. And then all are used against the primary targets, like me.
It appears that the family members, who are married to (or are being severely manipulated by) an occult member or one of their dark puppets, are drugged and brainwashed into thinking that they are so pure hearted and so good that they can do no wrong. These types of mind control victims will even viciously fight to defend their controller if anyone says anything different, even in the face of blatantly obvious wrong doings, like my father did for my second oldest sister.
   My oldest brother also seems to think that his wife is nothing but “pure hearted” even though she VERY obviously behaves in ways that are VERY intrusive and controlling and degrading and inconsiderate of his and other people’s feelings. Even just putting up a kind boundary, asking her to please stop pushing and just let my brother and I sort things out on our own, appears to have triggered her into a drama and fabrications that manipulated my brother into launched this most recent attack on me. She wants complete control; she does not want my brother and I re-uniting and talking without her being fully involved in it, and she wants to be the one who is closest to me….etc. This has been made VERY clear.

I have been really worried about this brother through the past few days.

I am worried about me too, not only because I just got blindsided by yet another round of abuse from a loved one, and am feeling too overwhelmed again, but also because I just had a dream that clearly warned me of a plan for my car to be stolen in a situation where a set up for it had already really happened. It now appears that those who target me wanted to force me to go to my older brother and his wife’s home, which would be VERY bad for me. It now appears that my boundary setting foiled the dark plan and this may be why she/they got so vicious.
   I must keep my distance from my whole family until the targeting is over and they have truly found their hearts…etc. This is the family that STILL calls me “crazy” and has wanted to have me shoved into an “insane asylum,” even though there is proof, in things like this last round of emails, that I am far more kind and functional and reasonable than they are.
   I want a kind and safe place to live on MY OWN property, so that I can retain my freedom and independence and have control over who is allowed to visit there and who is not. I want complete freedom from ALL levels of abuse and I want the privacy and peace to heal from the hell I’ve been through in the past twenty years. I want things to get better, not worse.

First Song of the Year

I Still Feel the Light!

Copyright Sharon R. Poet 1-2-2025

It’s a painful place to be in -
A lonely homeless plight,
Especially where my family
Had joined the evil fight
To break my heart and Spirit.
But I still feel the Light - I still see the Light.

I went back to that place. 

Where they were hitting me 

And cutting up my face, 

Where they manipulate 

 With greed and hate 

To tear us all apart… especially the heart. 

They twisted everything around 

To blame me for what they’d done… 

Made me the “crazy” one. 

There are a lot of dark places 

In this “crazy’ world of mine. 

And there are many lost people 

Who forgot how to be kind. 

I steer my way around them 

To park under the Light.

 I still feel the Light - I still see the Light. 

Keep me safe from harm. 

Hold my hand tonight. 

I still feel the Light. I still feel the Light

 

Oh…. help preserve the Love 

That keeps me alive. 

I still feel the Light. I still feel the Light

Wrap me in Your arms. 

I still feel the Light. I still see the Light. 

In these Tears I cry… 

I STILL FEEL THE LIGHT!

.

A Difficult Holliday Season

The holidays were more difficult for me this year, than any other since my mother being taken from us at Christmas time in 1977.
   Aside from what was done to my father, around the time of his death, in the past couple years, there has also been what he and my sisters did to me around that time. I knew that the long standing hate filled jealousy in my sisters would deprive of any inheritance. I knew this since they manipulated and lied their way into gaining complete control of our father’s will and estate. I never expected to get any inheritance. The painful part was the way it was done – with obvious hate and vengeance and dishonesty entwined with heavy doses of mental abuse and emotional abuse…and some of it seeming to come from my father. I had not expected the vengeful and abusive and dishonest a to my father’s will, which is all that my sisters ever sent me after his death. And it hurt a lot, because it was like my father, whom I had forgiven and made peace with years ago, cruelly and vengefully striking out at me from his grave, while I was in state of grief and feeling nothing but love and concern for him. It hurt like hell.
   I knew that BOTH of my sister’s had manipulated him into it, and had most likely even created the last version of the directive without him even being aware of it. But, it still struck me hard. In the months after this I struggled to move past it and bring my good memories of my father back into the foreground. I struggled to wipe out the picture of him cruelly swinging an axe at me, and replace it with him being too kind to be so hateful, like he used to be…or like I thought he was. I don’t really know him anymore and perhaps I never did.

I was recently told that my father’s home was quickly sold and the inheritance divided between most family members (in the usual unfair ways that my sister’s have always operated in), many months ago. It appears that my sisters took most of his money for themselves, both before and after his death. And the rest was divided between other family members.
   And here I am – another family member whom they know is literally homeless and financially struggling for many years now… and not one member of my family offered to share any of the inheritance with me. Like I said, I knew that my sisters would hatefully deprive me, because their jealous hate of me has been there all my life. But I had just recently wondered if any other family member would offer to share part of the inheritance with me. I wondered this, because, if I were in their shoes, its what I would have done – I would have given the deprived one at lease the portion of what I got, that should have gone to them. I think its what most people would have done in this situation. (Some people would have even contested such an unfair and abusive directive to a will, even if it meant losing their own inheritance.) But not in my family. They all got their money months ago and every recipient just took it all for themselves, even though they knew I was being unfairly deprived and was still suffering in a homeless situation. This is not a surprise to me, but it sure makes their lack of care for me blatantly obvious to everyone.
   My little inner kid used to cry over feeling too unloved in my own family. Now, I am just accepting the fact that most of my family is too abusive and heartless to be what I have always needed and wanted them to be for me as well as for each other, and that they have gotten worse rather than better. It’s a VERY sad situation. This is hard for me, because I still love them and sometimes feel as sad for them as I do for myself. But I am accepting the way it is, because there is nothing I can do about it, accept do what I must, in order to protect myself from their abusive behaviors. Having to staying away from my family, in order to protect myself, has always been difficult for me, because family is very important to me and my love for them has never wavered. But I can’t make them love me when they don’t and when they even seem to not be capable of doing so. And I can’t let them continue hurting me. I matter too.

The hate and heartlessness I am still ashamed to say

Has grown in my family enough to keep me away.

P.S. Parts of my family have actually played active roles in intentionally and hatefully keeping me suffering in a homeless situation, through the past several years. My older sisters have lead this hate filled drive against me. But many followed it, without regard for me, including my father, np matter how much I begged for their help. They make it VERY clear that they want to keep me homeless and suffering. And there is a part of me that has actually enjoyed shoving in their face… the fact that I found kindness and consideration at the Concord Social Security offices and am now receiving my retirement social security refunds… that they could not keep me completely deprived and suffering… that I will get back onto my own feet and get a decent home of my own to live in. Imagine my little inner kid, stomping her foot and shoving her chin up in the air to defiantly say, “I’m going to stop suffering in destitution even though you don’t want me to. So there!” This is exactly what I am doing. This is my form of revenge.