However, I seriously doubt that my sister will allow my father to receive it, and if she did it would probably be only after she opened it and altered it so that he gets hurt by another one of her fabrications and then laces into me again. This just absolutely can not happen again, for both our sakes... So I have decided to share the letter here and hope that he gets it the way I wrote it. Perhaps it can also help other victims of this sort of thing. I know there are many out there...
Dear Dad,
I love you so much that I have been standing up for you, even though it has put me in a line of fire that has not been good for me. And I am sorry that you do not realize or understand this. As for the things you recently blasted me with; I am too overwhelmed to look back over the things I wrote to my sisters right now, but I know that even in my most angry moments of standing up for you and myself, I was not "lieing" and I was not being "hateful and mean" to my sisters. In fact, the true problem was that I stepped back into the family, and was too blatantly honest and direct.
Dad, the disputes between my sisters and I are something that I would not subject you to or involve you in, because I know you also do not like the discord, especially right now when you are going through a tough time. So I'm not going to get into it with you, even though my sisters did again involve you and upset you with it. However, since they did involve you, and since you took their side against me, what has been happening between you and I needs to be addressed...
I feel deeply hurt since you have been again lacing into me about negative things that my sisters (and/or other family members) have said or done against me. For me, this last round of it has been like a knife being stabbed into MANY old wounds and its just too hurtful to me.
I understand that, since what happened in 2003, you no longer realize the type of person I am and no longer trust me. I also understand that there is nothing I can do about it, because (since then) you have not trusted me enough to believe my honest defense. God knows I have tried explaining uncountable times, with no positive ground gained, and so I have had to accept that its futile to even try anymore. So... At this point I am just begging you to please refrain from lacing into me about negative things, that other people say or do against me. I hear you when you say that you love me, but I do not feel loved by you when you treat me this way....
I WISH YOU CARED ABOUT ME ENOUGH TO BE CONSIDERATE OF MY FEELINGS - ENOUGH TO EITHER REMAIN NEUTRAL OR BE OBJECTIVE AND ASK ME ABOUT MY SIDE OF THINGS WHEN OTHER PEOPLE SAY OR SHOW YOU NEGATIVE THINGS AGAINST ME, INSTEAD OF JUST BELIEVING THEM AND BLASTING ME. I have been too SEVERELY hurt by this scenario, through the past two decades, and I should not be hurt by it anymore, especially not now when the complete opposite is what should be happening, for BOTH our sakes.
I guess that, in order for things to get a bit better between us again, you are going to have to again forgive me for what they have convinced you of, even though I have not done it...and you are also now going to have to refrain from lacing into me about things that other people have told you or shown you against me, because I just can't take anymore of it. It seems foolish for me to be asking you to forgive me for what I have not done, but this is what I am AGAIN doing, because I do not want the continued discord between us. Please forgive me again.
I know that we can no longer be as close as we were way back when you knew you could trust me and back when you knew that I was a kind and caring and sane person, but you again taking on and swinging their hatchet at me is just too hurtful to me, Dad. I still carry a massive amount of pain from when you did this to me in 2003 and I can't handle more being added to it. Through that time I cried more for you than I did for me... and now its time for me to matter too. Please bury their hatchet and do not take on anymore of them or at least refrain from swinging them at me.
I know that we can no longer be as close as we were way back when you knew you could trust me and back when you knew that I was a kind and caring and sane person, but you again taking on and swinging their hatchet at me is just too hurtful to me, Dad. I still carry a massive amount of pain from when you did this to me in 2003 and I can't handle more being added to it. Through that time I cried more for you than I did for me... and now its time for me to matter too. Please bury their hatchet and do not take on anymore of them or at least refrain from swinging them at me.
Please care about me enough to refrain from openly blaming me and lacing into me for what other people say and do against me. And please also at least try to start judging me only by YOUR OWN direct experiences with me and not by what other people say or show you. I deserve your objectivity and your consideration. I really do.
With love and hope for our future
Your daughter, Sharon
P.S. Please let me know if you get this and if you are willing to do this and make things better between us. I just also found out that you refusing to write to me since May of 2022 was not due to an inability to, but was because you did not want to communicate with me after the hell that was raised against Gerry and I around that time. I am so sorry that you feel the way you do about me since May, and that you did not even try to talk to me about it. I wish I could stop feeling so hurt by this, but I can't right now. Its all like the 2003 nightmare coming back to life for me. Repeatedly losing you through the hateful drives against me in the family has been far more painful for me than if I lost you through your death. This just has to stop, one way or the other. I do not want to be forced/hurt into completely walking away again, but if this is what you want, I will. You may want to read the rest of this later only if you are interested in dropping the hatchet and making things better between us.
For a long time now I have wanting tell you that, in the deeper past...; my emotional pain was never due to me being "oversensitive" - it was due to other people's hurtful behaviors toward me. And me always silently walking away feeling hurt was never just me being "a martyr" - it was me having natural human feelings and me turning the other cheek instead of fighting back or seeking revenge...and later it was also me protecting myself from being hurt even more than I already was. In many ways, Dad, you have always blamed me for the hurtful things that my jealous sisters have done to me and this has not been fair to me. I remember you often brushing it aside, saying, "they are just jealous," as if it was nothing that mattered. But it always mattered to me, Dad, and it still does, because it hurts me, especially since you seem to have forgotten how they are and started believing them and lashing out at me due to things they have said or done against me.
I beg you to search your heart and find more consideration for me, because I deserve it...and because it would be best for both of us to resolve things between us before its too late to in this lifetime. I think too much damage was done, for too long, for a complete resolution, but surely we can BOTH at least refrain from fighting and hurting each other even more!?!? I know I easily have and can, but can you? And do you even want to? Please let me know, either way.
I love you and can forgive you, but I do not want to be unfairly blamed anymore and I do not want to be hurt by your unjust negative opinions of me anymore... and so I hope you can make a positive shift for BOTH our sakes, even if that shift can only be you refraining from blasting me with the negative things my sisters still say or do against me. I feel so strongly about this, Dad. If I called you and you started lacing into me about things my sisters have said against me again, I would probably also negatively lace into you, like I never have before, because you have all pushed me to the point where I feel like I just can not take anymore. I don't want the fight and I don't want the pain filled silence. So I hope you can refrain from treating me this way for the rest of our lives and give me some reassurance that you will do this for me and our relationship.
There ARE actually many things that I TRULY have done wrong in my life and one big thing that I truly did wrong to you. And I am totally OK with you confronting me about the things that I TRULY have done wrong to you... but just please do it with kindness and consideration for me, especially right now since (as you know) I am still homeless and am struggling with many other problems. I am actually in a state of overwhelm... and my feelings and my wellbeing matter too. Please be more considerate of me and my feelings.
As for the things, that other people say I have done wrong to them; its really is none of your business and you should not even be getting involved in it, especially when you can not objectively listen to BOTH sides before passing judgment... or just remain in a neutral place. You and I should only be addressing the problems between you and I and NOT the problems between any of my siblings and I. You can take their side if you want, but I do not want to hear about it when you do, because I should not have to keep defending myself against their hateful fabrications and I should not have to keep feeling the pain of my father joining or being used in their attacks against me. Why do you not just take a neutral stand and tell them to leave you out of their fight against me, like most people would do? I matter too!
Remember way back when you used to appreciate my "wisdom," Dad? Well, here is a bit of it for you, if you want it... If I were 90 years old I'd be aiming to improve my relationships with my estranged children so that they were not left with unresolved pains and so that I could cross over in peace when this final stage of my time here on earth was over. And so, because I love you and your sons and I, I wish for you to also do this. I wish so much that you would stop being so negatively influenced and let your heart reach out to your sons and me, for your own sake as well as ours. This whole situation will remain VERY painful for ALL four of us, if you do not step out of your two oldest daughter's life-long fight against the rest of us, and open your heart to us through this final stage of your life. And it appears that the only way you can even have the chance to do this is if you return to your own home and have kind and compassionate and NEUTRAL help, from outside the family, there with you... so that ALL of your children can freely and peacefully visit you without any sort of problems arising.
Perhaps there is another way? I don't know.
How its done is up to you, but IF you want peace and resolution, with ALL of your children, you are going to have to realize that the severe and LONG standing problems between your two oldest daughters and the rest of your children are unfortunately not going to be soon resolvable, if ever, especially after the events of 2003 and the past five years. And due to this, you should be living in a neutral zone, with neutral help from outside the family there for you, because you not living with any of us, or any of our children, will enable a situation where ALL of your children will feel comfortable visiting you - where ALL of your children can visit you without any tension or discord or fighting even having the chance of happening. This is truly needed for your sake as well as mine and both of your sons.
If you do decide to live in a NEUTRAL place that supports peace and resolution with me and your sons, instead of the continued discord and fighting; please realize that much of BOTH of your son's anger has been being provoked by painful things that you do not realize are happening and you should also be careful to not unfairly blame them. They, like most of you men, just have a hard time dealing with the emotional pain and so tend to angrily lash out instead of crying it out...and its wise to be understanding of this and remember that people do not always mean what they say when they are angry/hurt.
And always...in the process of resolving issues we must be caring enough to step back and look at our own behaviors and how they effect others, and then be gentle with ourselves, as well as with others, as we aim to resolve the issues and make things better. I KNOW that you are capable of doing this, because I have seen you do it before. Please also do it now, Dad.
With love and hope for our future
Your daughter, Sharon
P.S. Please let me know if you get this and if you are willing to do this and make things better between us. I just also found out that you refusing to write to me since May of 2022 was not due to an inability to, but was because you did not want to communicate with me after the hell that was raised against Gerry and I around that time. I am so sorry that you feel the way you do about me since May, and that you did not even try to talk to me about it. I wish I could stop feeling so hurt by this, but I can't right now. Its all like the 2003 nightmare coming back to life for me. Repeatedly losing you through the hateful drives against me in the family has been far more painful for me than if I lost you through your death. This just has to stop, one way or the other. I do not want to be forced/hurt into completely walking away again, but if this is what you want, I will. You may want to read the rest of this later only if you are interested in dropping the hatchet and making things better between us.
For a long time now I have wanting tell you that, in the deeper past...; my emotional pain was never due to me being "oversensitive" - it was due to other people's hurtful behaviors toward me. And me always silently walking away feeling hurt was never just me being "a martyr" - it was me having natural human feelings and me turning the other cheek instead of fighting back or seeking revenge...and later it was also me protecting myself from being hurt even more than I already was. In many ways, Dad, you have always blamed me for the hurtful things that my jealous sisters have done to me and this has not been fair to me. I remember you often brushing it aside, saying, "they are just jealous," as if it was nothing that mattered. But it always mattered to me, Dad, and it still does, because it hurts me, especially since you seem to have forgotten how they are and started believing them and lashing out at me due to things they have said or done against me.
I beg you to search your heart and find more consideration for me, because I deserve it...and because it would be best for both of us to resolve things between us before its too late to in this lifetime. I think too much damage was done, for too long, for a complete resolution, but surely we can BOTH at least refrain from fighting and hurting each other even more!?!? I know I easily have and can, but can you? And do you even want to? Please let me know, either way.
I love you and can forgive you, but I do not want to be unfairly blamed anymore and I do not want to be hurt by your unjust negative opinions of me anymore... and so I hope you can make a positive shift for BOTH our sakes, even if that shift can only be you refraining from blasting me with the negative things my sisters still say or do against me. I feel so strongly about this, Dad. If I called you and you started lacing into me about things my sisters have said against me again, I would probably also negatively lace into you, like I never have before, because you have all pushed me to the point where I feel like I just can not take anymore. I don't want the fight and I don't want the pain filled silence. So I hope you can refrain from treating me this way for the rest of our lives and give me some reassurance that you will do this for me and our relationship.
There ARE actually many things that I TRULY have done wrong in my life and one big thing that I truly did wrong to you. And I am totally OK with you confronting me about the things that I TRULY have done wrong to you... but just please do it with kindness and consideration for me, especially right now since (as you know) I am still homeless and am struggling with many other problems. I am actually in a state of overwhelm... and my feelings and my wellbeing matter too. Please be more considerate of me and my feelings.
As for the things, that other people say I have done wrong to them; its really is none of your business and you should not even be getting involved in it, especially when you can not objectively listen to BOTH sides before passing judgment... or just remain in a neutral place. You and I should only be addressing the problems between you and I and NOT the problems between any of my siblings and I. You can take their side if you want, but I do not want to hear about it when you do, because I should not have to keep defending myself against their hateful fabrications and I should not have to keep feeling the pain of my father joining or being used in their attacks against me. Why do you not just take a neutral stand and tell them to leave you out of their fight against me, like most people would do? I matter too!
Remember way back when you used to appreciate my "wisdom," Dad? Well, here is a bit of it for you, if you want it... If I were 90 years old I'd be aiming to improve my relationships with my estranged children so that they were not left with unresolved pains and so that I could cross over in peace when this final stage of my time here on earth was over. And so, because I love you and your sons and I, I wish for you to also do this. I wish so much that you would stop being so negatively influenced and let your heart reach out to your sons and me, for your own sake as well as ours. This whole situation will remain VERY painful for ALL four of us, if you do not step out of your two oldest daughter's life-long fight against the rest of us, and open your heart to us through this final stage of your life. And it appears that the only way you can even have the chance to do this is if you return to your own home and have kind and compassionate and NEUTRAL help, from outside the family, there with you... so that ALL of your children can freely and peacefully visit you without any sort of problems arising.
Perhaps there is another way? I don't know.
How its done is up to you, but IF you want peace and resolution, with ALL of your children, you are going to have to realize that the severe and LONG standing problems between your two oldest daughters and the rest of your children are unfortunately not going to be soon resolvable, if ever, especially after the events of 2003 and the past five years. And due to this, you should be living in a neutral zone, with neutral help from outside the family there for you, because you not living with any of us, or any of our children, will enable a situation where ALL of your children will feel comfortable visiting you - where ALL of your children can visit you without any tension or discord or fighting even having the chance of happening. This is truly needed for your sake as well as mine and both of your sons.
If you do decide to live in a NEUTRAL place that supports peace and resolution with me and your sons, instead of the continued discord and fighting; please realize that much of BOTH of your son's anger has been being provoked by painful things that you do not realize are happening and you should also be careful to not unfairly blame them. They, like most of you men, just have a hard time dealing with the emotional pain and so tend to angrily lash out instead of crying it out...and its wise to be understanding of this and remember that people do not always mean what they say when they are angry/hurt.
And always...in the process of resolving issues we must be caring enough to step back and look at our own behaviors and how they effect others, and then be gentle with ourselves, as well as with others, as we aim to resolve the issues and make things better. I KNOW that you are capable of doing this, because I have seen you do it before. Please also do it now, Dad.
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