IT IS HORRIBLE THAT MY LETTER TO MY FATHER COULD NOT BE PRIVATE

For those who may want to make me look bad for posting a letter to my father on this blog; I did not use his name, and my name change prevents the public from knowing who my family is, and this is a new blog that has not been advertised...so nothing I post here on this one is really very public, right now. I did not plan to keep the letter up, because it was all just another one of my foolish fantasies....that some kind person would print it out and send it to my father...and my father would just happen to get it at a time when he could privately read it and process it and respond to it with his heart. It was foolish of me - utterly foolish to think that this could happen under the current conditions.

I FEEL THAT A LETTER TO MY FATHER SHOULD BE TOTALLY PRIVATE - JUST BETWEEN MY FATHER AND I, BUT THIS IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE IN THIS SITUATION, BECAUSE MY SISTERS MONITER AND CONTROL ALL OF MY FATHER'S COMMUNICATIONS.

My father now has absolutely no private communications with anyone outside of my sister's household. So, my letter could not be private, no matter how I'd sent it, and this is why I posted it, aside from the fact that posting it here could prevent my sister from swapping it with one of her cruel fabrications designed to hurt him and make him lash out at me, like she has done in the past.

IT IS HORRIBLE THAT I CAN NOT HAVE ANY SORT OF PRIVATE COMMUNICATION WITH MY FATHER...AND THAT MY FATHER CAN NOT HAVE ANY PRIVATE COMMUNICATION WITH ANYONE OUTSIDE OF MY SISTER'S HOME. ITS JUST TOO INTRUSIVE AND WRONG.

I know that my father will most likely never get the letter, but I had to write it and post it, in order to be done with it, because I have been feeling desperate to end this hell and make things better between him and I. Writing it helped me to release some of my pain and posting it helped me to feel like I was doing something to help protect myself from being hurt even more. But it will probably not do any good aside from this, because, even if my father gets it, and even IF he was free to privately read and process and respond to it, he probably would not be receptive to it, because he has been so brainwashed against me. I was going to take the letter down and accept the fact that the new extension of the pain filled wall, which my sisters recently built between my father and I, will have to remain there even longer... and possibly for the rest of his life if he does not really return home and get neutral and considerate help there for him...etc. :-( But I decided to keep it up at least until I am in a better place to make a decision. I am VERY overwhelmed. Other stuff is a bit of a distraction for me right now, but not a positive one....everywhere I look hell is happening and its just too much. I need and want PEACE in ALL arenas. But I feel darkness brewing, in various places, and I just can't shake it. However there is Light in the REAL Truth and standing up with it can help. I'm still standing.

P.S. I had some concern that my letter may be too overwhelming for my father right now, but decided that he just does not have to read it, or be presented with it, if it is too much for him to handle right now. It was up to the discretion of him and people who show him things. I actually think that my father is functioning a LOT better than my sisters portrayed when they were trying to justify taking him out of his own home and isolating him in Ohio. And I think that he probably had lost private communication long before they took him there; I think he lost it when my sisters forced a new phone and TV upon him, even though he did not need or want them and even though it confused him and created hardship for him.

P.S.S. As for my last stand in my family; it started out being a stand for my father. Then it became my defense against the attacks on me. Overall, I went from one extreme to the opposite extreme; from way too much silence to the complete opposite - going for the jugular (so to speak) - relentlessly blasting out the truth after every attack against me, instead of letting them make me back down and shut up. I am not sorry, even though I know I went overboard, because I was honest and truly was never being "hateful" or "mean" like they said I was. I was blatantly honest and direct, because this is just the way I sometimes am... and I am not going to change. Perhaps it had to happen this way, because it naturally did. Sometimes people need to get blasted - slammed up against a wall so to speak. Sometimes it is the best thing to do. But now that is over and in the future I will probably settle into a heathier middle ground. But I have no intentions of reopening that door to my sisters soon, if ever. I see no positive change in them and this makes it a dead end street. I still must stay away from them for the sake of my safety and wellbeing. And it appears that there is nothing more I can do to make things better for my father. Time will tell what they do and if my stand helped him at all. There appears to be nothing I can do in the judicial system either, because i tried that too and two police departments told me that there was nothing they can do with the info I gave them, which is understandable, because this is an unusual situation that is hard to prove. There are no provable physical crimes. Its time for me to let it go, but I am still standing up with the truth. The following song is a good depiction of what I have been saying to my sisters.

Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken

https://youtu.be/OL4LNg-iyY4

P.S. But my heart still aches for my father and their last destruction of what little was left of our relationship last may. Hopefully our relationship can improve and time will tell if he even wants it to.

P.S.S. I did remove the letter to my father from this blog. It didn't feel right to make it public either.