SHARON ROSE POET: My Father's Suffering has Ended

He did not have a good and fulfilling life,

But he is now free of the pain and strife.

My father passed away yesterday afternoon. It appears that my sisters are not allowing a wake, depriving all of his loved ones of that deeply needed closure. This should not be surprising to anyone who knows them or this situation. But it is to me. I so needed that closure.
I feel relieved that he is no longer suffering and is now free. The phrase, "He is now in a better place," applies doubly in this situation. But I grieve his life - especially his last couple years, which were the complete opposite of what he had wanted and needed, and were filled with unnatural suffering and the intentional deprivation of most of his loved ones and his home, which he had wanted to spend the rest of his life in.
Not being allowed to be there for him, when he needed my heart the most, has been and still is a VERY great source of pain for me, and I know it was for him too. I hope to use my father's situation, as an example to help pass new laws that protect elderly people from greedy children and emotional and mental abuse and intentional deprivation. He was a victim of all these.

My sisters had, on many occasions, severely deceived my father as their jealous hate fabricated things, in order to turn him against me and destroy our relationship. And I have always felt that, when he dies - when his Spirit is free he will finally see the truth about me. So, there is a part of me that wants to stare down my sisters and say, "NOW HE KNOWS THE TRUTH! YOUR DECEPTIONS CAN'T EXIST BEYOND THE GRAVE." But they wouldn't believe me, anyway. "She's crazy" is what they'd say.

Last night I wrote the following poems as I was doing a small round of grieving my father's final year and also finding comfort in knowing that he is now free of it. At one point, I felt his Spirit here with me...

Father's Ohio Prison

He dared not make a sound.

As he groped on the ground

With no help or care around.

I saw him crying in that chair.

I felt his pain I could not bare.

No heart could even get there

While he suffered in her snare!

He dared not make a sound.

As he groped on the ground

With no help or care around.

Now he Knows the Truth

I want to smugly say to them
Again and again and again,

"Now Dad knows the whole truth

Of your deceptions so uncouth."

Even as he sees what they do

He loves and forgives them too.

I have not yet reached that place

My anger needs to have it's space.

"Now Dad knows the whole truth

Of your deceptions so uncouth."

But they'd not believe me, anyway.

"She's crazy" is what they'd say.

I'm so, so Sorry, Dad

I'm sorry I should have done more

To save you from their darkest door.

I'm not sure what I could have done

While too isolated from everyone.

But there was something, I'm sure.

I'm so, so sorry I didn't do more.

He's OK Now

"I'm OK" I think he may have just said

In my searching gropes inside my head.

Was it him or only what I want to hear?

Was it just a wish in my unshed tear?

Did I really hear, "We love you bum"

Through leaves glowing in the sun?

Yes I did. His time has truly come.

He'll be smiling there with Mom.

Tears of Relief

Here they finally come - tears of deep relief

Instead of the usual mourning in loss grief.

It means so much more than I can ever say,

To know that you are now finally "OK."

A Special Place

Comfort, truth and Love are saved,

In a special place beyond the Grave,

Where freedom opens up the eyes,

And helps the heart to purge - to cry,

So that those who could not see,

Can finally set their Spirits free.

From Father to Son

If he could speak to you he'd say

Words of comfort from the grave,

"I really do love you"

"You do matter too"

"I'm so, so sorry."

"Forgive me."

"I forgive you."

"I'm free."

"I'm me."

"I see."

I share more about my father's passing on this page;
https://sharonrosepoet.blogspot.com/p/my-fathers-death-and-rebirth.html

SHARON ROSE POET

Saturday, January 20, 2024

My Father's Suffering has Ended

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