They sent an email to the whole family, from my sister's household where my father is, which cruelly attacked my older brother, his wife and I. In it they did the usual stabbing of our old wounds and littered it with masses of blatant lies and obvious aims to try to cause trouble for my brother and his wife. Its a nasty sick attack that was clearly to make me look bad to others and upset and hurt three of us and make us feel VERY unwelcome at the house where my father is being kept... all while still CLAIMING that we are welcome to call or visit our father. Its VERY twisted.
After they sent the mean and dishonest and hateful email...my sister said and did things to make him blame me for what she did and then called me to have him leave a message on my phone where he tells me to stop "lieing." I truly am not the one who was lieing. This is VERY typical of her behaviors, but its shocking that she still used him this way now that he is 90 years old and ill. But this shows the level of consideration she has for him in her aims to abuse me and destroy my relationship with him. Most people would not have upset and involved an ill 90 year old man like that. But she even did it again a couple days ago...
I had told this sister to not contact me again. Then she disregarded my boundary and VERY OBVIOUSLY said or did things to upset my father again (far worse this time) and then called me to have him angrily lace into me. (This was left in voice message, like the other one.) At one point in this call she interrupted him - pouring on her fake voice - pretending that she is sweetly just wanting him to let me know that he is OK. Then he obeyed and said he was OK. Then she told him to continue and then he obeyed and continued berating me... telling me to stop being "hateful" and "mean" to my sisters...etc. I texted her and told her to stop using him and get herself some help and stop projecting her own behaviors onto me... Then she sent me a text where she said. "I am doing nothing but letting an old man call his daughter and tell her he loves her. I guess you just don't wanna hear it." Blatant mental abuse!
My sister's mental abuse games and the process of her projecting her "hateful" and "lieing" and "greedy" and "mean" behaviors onto me...and even using my father (as if he were a worthless puppet) to do it for her, is not a new scenario for me. (It happened on a severe scale around 2003 and more mildly through all of our lives.) But it is just too wrong for her to be upsetting and using our father while he is ill and needing the complete opposite. Its actually cruel to him...and it also prevents him from having positive communication with me. (I can't even do any damage control now that he is living with her, because I am sure she wont let him get messages from me.)
Both of my sisters know that I am not the one who is "lieing" and that I was not the one who is in a place of "hate" in the recent family emails or at any other time in the past. (The fact that I never would join THEIR "hate" crap is actually one of the reasons why they used to snidely call me, "little miss perfect.") This is all just the usual - them pretending that I am the bad guy - that I am the one who is doing to them what THEY TRULY have done to me throughout my life and are still doing. So, I closed the door. It is VERY common for abusers to call their victims, , "liars" and "insane" and "Hateful," when the victims stand up with the truth...although they themselves are the ones who perform these behaviors. But I think it is not common for them to carelessly use ill and elderly relatives to do it for them.
IN THIS FINAL STAGE OF MY FATHER'S LIFE EVERYTHING SHOULD BE JUST ABOUT THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT IT NOW IS. HE IS TRAPPED IN HELL AND DOES NOT EVEN KNOW IT.
He should be surrounded by the love of ALL of his children, in his own home where he wanted to be for the rest of his life... but the most heartless of his children are depriving him of the most caring ones... and are even using him to help abuse one of them - the one who is standing up for him with the truth. Its sad as hell.
I wrote the following statements in a letter to my sisters, but am sharing it here instead of sending it, because I do not want to re-open that door, which I had to close for the sake of my own sanity. Since those two phone messages he is now again just an extension of her abuse - her sick game of pretending that I am the one who is "hateful", "mean", "lieing" and "insane." He is now doing the same type of thing that she set him up to do in 2003 and 2004 after she fabricate emails from my account - berating me and blaming me for what SHE did to me...its just too cruel and hurtful. I can't take anymore. I feel like I just finished losing my father one final time. I am seriously considering changing my phone number again.
For my sisters,
WILL BE SILENT NO MORE!
For my sisters,
NOTHING that you upset Dad with, and make him say to me, has any impact on my trust in myself and my awareness of my feelings and my awareness of my motives or my conviction to stand up against your manipulative abuse and what you are doing to Dad at a time when he is ill and 90 years old. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! YOU CAN NOT MAKE ME RELAPS INTO SILENCE, THROUGH YOU CARELESSLY USING DAD TO PROJECT YOUR "hateful" "lieing" BEHAVIORS ONTO ME! IT JUST GIVES ME SOMETHING ELSE TO STAND UP WITH. In fact, every time you do more manipulations and more of the abuse it actually strengthens my conviction to stand up against it. I
WILL BE SILENT NO MORE!
There is more about this situation on this blog post
The attacking email is here...
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